I shared this message in a post on Instagram exactly one year ago today and I thought it would be nice to share these thoughts here as well.
About 2 or 3 years my daughter pointed out to me that she was pretty sure I had Prosopagnosia, I’d never heard the term but it’s also called “face blindness”. I talked to my mom and found actually it’s inherited. I spent much of my life feeling like kind of an idiot or unkind because I could never recognize people. If I see someone every day in the same location I’ll know who they are but if I run into them some place unexpected I won’t know them at all. I’ve hurt a lot of peoples feelings that way, it was never intended. I remember people by their clothing style, where I usually see them or by their walk, or voice, never by their face. I have trouble following movie plots because I often can’t tell the characters apart. Some people have a mild case but it turns out mine is pretty severe as when I step away from a mirror I don’t even remember my own face. I realized once I made this discovery why I also got a bit obsessed with self portraits when they invented the selfie camera. As I spent most of my life not really remembering what I looked like I never thought much of my looks. When I was able to look at my own face in a camera and take pictures I felt like I was looking at someone else. I went through a phase when I would photograph myself and then try to draw or paint the picture from memory without looking. The images never quite looked like me but they looked like my idea of myself. I don’t know if my life would have been easier if I’d known this sooner or if it even really matters at all. But I try harder now when I meet people to specifically look at details about them that I can remember later if I run into them in a different location so I don’t hurt their feelings. I still don’t really remember what I look like and I got bored with self portraits a few years ago once I felt I’d studied myself from every angle. But I love the little art works that came out of these experiments so I do plan to circle back around to this art style again soon. I have tons of work like this somewhere in my storage space with a lot of other art experiments, but these are among my favorites.
#Prosopagnosia #faceblindness #selfportrait #art #experimentalart #self

​Since last summer I’ve been going through the archives of my favorite past projects and adding them to my website, some in blogs, some in my poetry pages but for this project, one of my favorites, I thought I’d create a whole page on my website and talk about the project a bit in a video, so I did. ☠️ Punk Rock Girl Art ☠️ It was fun to reminisce about how I got started taking these kinds of pictures and what the project means to me. I still take rust pictures often I have just gotten away from posting them. Now I’ve recently moved to a different historic district and I’m surrounded again by old brick buildings and lots of lovely rust I haven’t turned into art yet. This project when I created it was called “Punk Rock Girl Art” a wink at who I am, where I come from and the music and fashion that I’ve adored since I was probably 14 years old. I’m so thrilled I have a new historic town to explore and a huge garage where I’m hoping to create an art studio as the weather gets better. Anyway I know I don’t post pictures nearly often enough, I keep meaning to, but I will share my new paintings and of course more pictures as I explore my new town this spring.

I've included some pics I've taken of myself while running around photographing rust or trains and some just laying around. I tend to explore in my free time looking for cool images all over town and then I lay around in bed editing my favorites and writing poetry often inspired by the images I share. 

I had decided to start blogging again late last summer early fall and then a lot of things in my life began to change very quickly and I only put up just a few posts. My YouTube channel really began to take off and that was super exciting but also kept me way busier lol. Then I began looking at houses and found the exact home I have dreamt of all my life. I put an offer on the house and then I began the very huge process of buying my first home. I had no idea everything it would entail, papers, appointments, inspections, agreements, repairs, more meetings, more papers and signing. It was the busiest couple months of my life and then December was moving time. Along with the Holidays and some work that needed to be done on my Historic home it's been a journey. I've got one huge plumbing renovation to do this week and I think I should be all set.

I'm beginning to set up my new studio, since I moved in I've hardly had time to fully unpack and so I'm working on that. I will definitely take pictures and show you all my new art studio when it is all set and I have big plans for my YouTube studio too. I do intend to blog more and share more of my story as I go. The past few months have been hectic but also magical and my life right now in many ways feels like a dream come true.

Even though I've not been blogging much here I have been adding tons of poetry to my poetry blog and my personal poetry blog "she girl something pages" password sweetjane. It's been interesting because when it comes to poetry I write about the things that have been hardest for me, like expressing my emotions and dealing with difficult times in life and love, so some of my poems have been difficult to wade through as I look them up in all the many many places they have been stored, because I tend to write most at my toughest moments, but it's also been healing. To see the places I've been and what I have made it through, where I have landed and knowing there's so much more to come has been pretty amazing.

I also write when I feel inspired and so some of my poems have been so great to see again and a reminder of good times too. But that's what I've been working on. Thanks for everyone who has stopped by to read!
Lots of Love, Charity

I had been planning a trip to see my best friends in Cincinnati since last fall, and things kept coming up, I think I planned and rescheduled the trip at least 4 or 5 times and a year went by! I try to go every year it doesn't always happen, I get so busy and distracted but one way or another I always do seem to find my way back home. I was born in California, lived in Florida for years, live in Indy now - but Cincinnati is my home town. Not because I'm originally from there or spent the most time there but I lived there from the time I was 14 to 22. The years you really start getting out on your own and figuring out life, who you are as an individual along with what and who you love most. I loved exploring the town, running around with my friends to clubs, it was the late 80's early 90's and we were punks. Hanging out in dive bars, trying not to get destroyed in mosh pits although we'd go back for more over and over. Seeing bands like Agnostic Front, 7 Seconds, The Ramones, Blondie... so many others... no cell phones, no internet, just taking busses and piling into cars with too many other kids to get to where all our friends would be hanging out. I fell in love for the first time in Cincinnati and made some of the best friends of my life. So now I live a couple hours away but try to make it back whenever I can. Me and one of my best friends have been hanging out since I was 14 years old (the girl in the picture with me) we shared an apartment over Bogarts on Vine St. in Cincy and had the most phenomenal parties. Now we chill out in her backyard while her husband grills steaks and my friend refills my drink too damn many times lol. This year was really special though, I got to see my first boyfriend for the first time in 27 years. I was so nervous, in fact I had cancelled the trip repeatedly because of car troubles and random family issues but I may have just been scared. How do you see someone for the first time in 27 years that saw you last when you were 22... someone that you loved the way you can only love your first love... someone you still dream about even though you both moved on years ago... I'll tell you how, with your best friend by your side, loud music and a smoking margarita to take the edge off your giddy nerves, at least that's what worked for me. The best part though was that when we all got together the years didn't really matter, the energy was the same, we laughed and talked just like we used to and being together again was the most natural feeling in the world. I did cry on the drive home because I don't know when I'll make it back, and I don't want to go another year without seeing some of my closest friends or another 27 years without seeing my first love, hell no (I won't let that happen again) but over all it was just a damn good time. Connections are so important, and it's so easy to let life get crazy, to let days go by... that suddenly turn into years without seeing or talking to people that matter to us. I know I'm guilty of it. I've spent years distracted with daily survival and trying to make something of myself... I never meant to put off connecting more with people I love, I just get so damn distracted trying to make it and get some place... but life is everything that is happening now, not what I want to be or do later. And I'm learning, I'm always learning, and I can keep learning and at the same time make more time for the connections that matter most to me. I feel like it took me too long to figure this out, but I'm writing it down so I won't forget again. ;)
I had been planning a trip to see my best friends in Cincinnati since last fall, and things kept coming up, I think I planned and rescheduled the trip at least 4 or 5 times and a year went by! I try to go every year it doesn't always happen, I get so busy and distracted but one way or another I always do seem to find my way back home. I was born in California, lived in Florida for years, live in Indy now - but Cincinnati is my home town. Not because I'm originally from there or spent the most time there but I lived there from the time I was 14 to 22. The years you really start getting out on your own and figuring out life, who you are as an individual along with what and who you love most. I loved exploring the town, running around with my friends to clubs, it was the late 80's early 90's and we were punks. Hanging out in dive bars, trying not to get destroyed in mosh pits although we'd go back for more over and over. Seeing bands like Agnostic Front, 7 Seconds, The Ramones, Blondie... so many others... no cell phones, no internet, just taking busses and piling into cars with too many other kids to get to where all our friends would be hanging out. I fell in love for the first time in Cincinnati and made some of the best friends of my life. So now I live a couple hours away but try to make it back whenever I can. Me and one of my best friends have been hanging out since I was 14 years old (the girl in the picture with me) we shared an apartment over Bogarts on Vine St. in Cincy and had the most phenomenal parties. Now we chill out in her backyard while her husband grills steaks and my friend refills my drink too damn many times lol. This year was really special though, I got to see my first boyfriend for the first time in 27 years. I was so nervous, in fact I had cancelled the trip repeatedly because of car troubles and random family issues but I may have just been scared. How do you see someone for the first time in 27 years that saw you last when you were 22... someone that you loved the way you can only love your first love... someone you still dream about even though you both moved on years ago... I'll tell you how, with your best friend by your side, loud music and a smoking margarita to take the edge off your giddy nerves, at least that's what worked for me. The best part though was that when we all got together the years didn't really matter, the energy was the same, we laughed and talked just like we used to and being together again was the most natural feeling in the world. I did cry on the drive home because I don't know when I'll make it back, and I don't want to go another year without seeing some of my closest friends or another 27 years without seeing my first love, hell no (I won't let that happen again) but over all it was just a damn good time. Connections are so important, and it's so easy to let life get crazy, to let days go by... that suddenly turn into years without seeing or talking to people that matter to us. I know I'm guilty of it. I've spent years distracted with daily survival and trying to make something of myself... I never meant to put off connecting more with people I love, I just get so damn distracted trying to make it and get some place... but life is everything that is happening now, not what I want to be or do later. And I'm learning, I'm always learning, and I can keep learning and at the same time make more time for the connections that matter most to me. I feel like it took me too long to figure this out, but I'm writing it down so I won't forget again. ;)I had been planning a trip to see my best friends in Cincinnati since last fall, and things kept coming up, I think I planned and rescheduled the trip at least 4 or 5 times and a year went by! I try to go every year it doesn't always happen, I get so busy and distracted but one way or another I always do seem to find my way back home. I was born in California, lived in Florida for years, live in Indy now - but Cincinnati is my home town. Not because I'm originally from there or spent the most time there but I lived there from the time I was 14 to 22. The years you really start getting out on your own and figuring out life, who you are as an individual along with what and who you love most. I loved exploring the town, running around with my friends to clubs, it was the late 80's early 90's and we were punks. Hanging out in dive bars, trying not to get destroyed in mosh pits although we'd go back for more over and over. Seeing bands like Agnostic Front, 7 Seconds, The Ramones, Blondie... so many others... no cell phones, no internet, just taking busses and piling into cars with too many other kids to get to where all our friends would be hanging out. I fell in love for the first time in Cincinnati and made some of the best friends of my life. So now I live a couple hours away but try to make it back whenever I can. Me and one of my best friends have been hanging out since I was 14 years old (the girl in the picture with me) we shared an apartment over Bogarts on Vine St. in Cincy and had the most phenomenal parties. Now we chill out in her backyard while her husband grills steaks and my friend refills my drink too damn many times lol. This year was really special though, I got to see my first boyfriend for the first time in 27 years. I was so nervous, in fact I had cancelled the trip repeatedly because of car troubles and random family issues but I may have just been scared. How do you see someone for the first time in 27 years that saw you last when you were 22... someone that you loved the way you can only love your first love... someone you still dream about even though you both moved on years ago... I'll tell you how, with your best friend by your side, loud music and a smoking margarita to take the edge off your giddy nerves, at least that's what worked for me. The best part though was that when we all got together the years didn't really matter, the energy was the same, we laughed and talked just like we used to and being together again was the most natural feeling in the world. I did cry on the drive home because I don't know when I'll make it back, and I don't want to go another year without seeing some of my closest friends or another 27 years without seeing my first love, hell no (I won't let that happen again) but over all it was just a damn good time. Connections are so important, and it's so easy to let life get crazy, to let days go by... that suddenly turn into years without seeing or talking to people that matter to us. I know I'm guilty of it. I've spent years distracted with daily survival and trying to make something of myself... I never meant to put off connecting more with people I love, I just get so damn distracted trying to make it and get some place... but life is everything that is happening now, not what I want to be or do later. It’s now. There’s a quote I love “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.”
— Pablo Picasso
i get that does not mean we can and should do everything right this second, but life is now and if you really want something you do it now because now is the only time that actually exists.

In the midst of this new beginning
I make a vow
in secret languages
alone and under my breath
will this stand till the final hour
will I admit my depth
I ask not for trite answers
or argument
I know this place
I know myself
and an hour better spent
I have seen the outcome
of resolution
firm and undenied
honest and untried
I know the light that lives outside
of moon and sun
when day is done
I have seen the eternal visions
with or without revisions
my soul speaks and will not be unspoken
my heart beats and will beat on  unbroken
I know truths no one can tell me
and I will never buy these boundaries
that they try so damn hard to sell me
and my lifestyle may border yet
on insolence
but it's better than indifference
What I have to say may be course and unrefined
this song I sing
may beat out of time
but the truth I bring
will never cease to speak for itself
I know what I've seen
beyond the light of day or stars of night
and I know the life I live is beyond
rationale and sensibility
but I know what I am capable of
no one can tell me different
I will not accept only what I see
I will not collect the expectations that others
pass to me
I will live the life of my own choice
I will not decline the freedom of my voice
I will live my life unfettered and free
and trust in a truth I cannot see
with my eyes alone
my spirit is brave enough to step into the unknown
Because I know that there is more...
I know that there is more and I want it
I want it all.
Charity (​Jun 1, 2005, 11:18 AM)
​
I've been going through my old email account for my jewelry business SweetJane's Chains finding mountains of old poetry. I started making jewelry and writing after facing the greatest tragedy of my life in February 2005. I said goodbye to someone I loved more than my own life who crossed over to the other side. I was completely wrecked, my marriage and my world was crashing around me, my life was a ridiculous mess and everything was a blur. It's a time I don't tend to think of much because of the pain... some things we never fully recover from. So I'm going through my old email for my jewelry business and I find easily 150 poems, maybe more. All written in the worst year of my life, combined with these pictures that I'd saved in 2011 from my jewelry business. I don't remember being okay, I don't remember much of anything but I was writing and I was creating, wearable art at the time so I get now how I made it through. It's always been writing and creating for me. To realize now that my most painful year was one of my most creative says something about how I process my emotions and honestly how may artists do. It's survival to me, creativity, It's always been that way. I'm happy I saved all the poetry and some of these pictures of myself modeling the jewelry as well. I'm putting many of the poems in the archives in the poetry section of my blog at charityjanisse.com. So far I've only made it through some of the poetry there's tons more I'll be adding. My life was overwhelming but the writing was healing and I like reading the poetry back. Many are frustrated or sad but I found one that was actually pretty damn uplifting when I read it today. Poetry and art, I think I'm okay now because you were there for me. ;)

Welcome!! I haven't blogged in several years so I'm super excited to get back to it. When I blogged in the past it was like a journal, sharing my experiences, thoughts, musings, art, poetry, photography and often memories (sometimes past life) as well as future plans. I have no idea what will unfold from here on out as I begin to blog again but I plan to share a little something each day. It may be my experiences from that day, could be a video chat, it could be old writings or photography and art that I've never posted before, or possibly something completely different. I'm truly open to whatever comes through. I've changed so much in the past few years and I'm much more confident and comfortable with my weirdness, my depth and talking about everything and anything that feels significant, so this will be fun! I can't wait to see what's next! 

Thanks for following and commenting! I want to hear from you all!! 

Lot's of Love,

Charity

 So Fiction It Is
Never Published Blog Draft 12-9-2014
So Fiction it is. God I was a mess the other night! But seriously... try spending most of a year sneaking hours here and there out of your crazy busy life to pour your heart and soul into a novel and as you are wrapping it up and working on edits you realize... I can't publish this. You know... I took all that "writers advice": "write from your heart, write what you know, write like no one will ever see it, don't worry about what anyone else will think, just write what you feel." I felt inspired, I cried, I faced things from my life I never intended to walk back through, I was moved, I learned, I grew. I met myself... I realized we are not heroes or villains in the story of our life, we are human. And I wrote and wrote thinking it doesn't matter what the people I know think, this book is good and if I can actually get the word out about it, I think people will love it, I think people will identify, I think people will buy it, and maybe just maybe my dream of giving my kids a much better life than I ever had will come true. But then as I really began to go back through my notes, my scribbled chapters, my word docs, my iPhone notes and every other place I managed to write bits and pieces of this story I realized it wasn't just my story I was telling. It was every one I knew, every one I loved, every one I wished I didn't love. And many parts of the story dated back 20 years, the people I knew had grown and changed same as me. They didn't need their past connected with mine and shared from my perspective through my eyes written where others could read about what may have been or not been their lives...
R.I.P. My Many Pen & Project Names - Loved You All
​9-6-2022 - Finishing this blog all these years later - why not :)
​So I started this blog in 2014. I don't believe I ever finished it but I'm pretty sure that was when I may have taken down this website for a time and switched my username online into Cherris Taylor as I was going to test out a pen name and try to turn my writings to fiction. I had used the name Cherris when I originally started posting poetry on myspace. At the time I was married to my ex and he and I decided it was best to not use our real names online for security or something and when we created our myspace pages, remember those ;) We decided to use our gamer tags instead as we often played video games together and I have always gone by Cherris or SweetJane in video games. I still do but now I play with my kids. I chose Taylor as a last name as it was close enough to my last name at that time and that way I could initial all the art and poetry I shared and it would be my initials. So in late 2014 I had been writing like crazy for about a year and it hit me that I couldn't publish any of it under my own name, it was too personal, to raw, to detailed, to erotic, to honest and just too goddamn much. I wanted to publish the book and thought the ideal plan would be just to pick a pen name, switch all my social media to that name so I could promote the book and just go from there. I chose Cherris Taylor because once again I could use my initials on everything as I still had the same name from 2004 when I'd used the name on myspace, it seemed like a perfect plan but unfortunately at point in my life I'd gained a bit bigger following online under the name Charity Joy (which is my real first and middle name) that my new pen name just confused people. At the time I was running a separate business from home where I needed a squeaky clean image online lol and  as I had tons of poetry and self portraits that I wanted to share (many of the themes were definitely NSFW...) I needed a space online where I could share my art under a different name as well, because at this point I had people googling my name to see if I'd be a good fit to hire and the work I was writing and creating in my free time was not a fit with the image I needed for work. Which image was me, both, all of them, the internet is so tricky to navigate. In February 2015 I woke up and realized a pen name was never going to work for me, it just wasn't my style anymore, I was going to have to find a way to work under my own name and just not publish any of the more intense, raw and vulnerable work at that time. I changed all of my social media to my birth name Charity Janisse and so after 10 years of being on the internet, writing and creating art, jewelry, poetry, short stories under a series of pen names and project names, I changed my website to charityjanisse.com, I wrote my book "We Are The Artist" and published it under Charity Janisse so that there was no going back, I could not change my name again, and I've been writing here ever since. Unfortunately as I was still not comfortable posting most of my work under my own name, I pretty much stopped blogging. I didn't stop writing, I never ever stop writing, but I stopped blogging which is something I really love to do. 
Now I am finally for the first time in my life completely self employed in a way that I work for myself and no one else. No corporation to find my work online and decided it's to risque and fire me lol. No small business that requires a squeaky clean image and no fears around my conservative family reading my work and disowning me. Any hopes of being truly accepted by my family I gave up when I decided to become a Tarot Reader. Knowing my relationship with my family has survived that I suppose it can survive anything, but all in all I will just be publishing a ton of really honest work in hopes my family doesn't notice it, because my family is the other half of the reason I never felt comfortable publishing under my own name. 

It's taken me forever maybe to get here but I realized I love my work, I love what I write, I love the art I create and I love expressing myself and sharing what I create and learn with others. I have realized any relationships or jobs I lose by openly expressing who I truly am are not relationships and jobs that I want in my life, so that's the rest of this blog that I started in 2014.
I'm finally finishing the project of putting all the old blogs and poems up that I had taken down, I think I have an unfinished blog about that some where in my drafts as well.

Thank you for reading! And to those of you who have followed my work under all my projects and various names knowing that each and every aspect of myself I shared in all those projects was always truly me, I love you! 
Charity Janisse

AKA: Cherris Taylor - Poet, Artist, Gamer lol 2004-2005
SweetJane's Chains (SweetJane) - Jewelry Artist, Rust Photographer, Model, Poet, Artist - Myspace, Instagram, Facebook 2005-2012
Life Path Travel - Inspirational Writer, Photpgrapher, Poet, Artist - Instagram, Facebook, This Web-site Originally 2012-2013
CharityJoy77 - Painter, Rust Photographer, Poet - Instagram, Facebook, Twitter 2013-2014
Cherris Taylor - Poet, Painter, Performance Artist - Twitter, Instagram, Wordpress & Wix Site December 2014-February 2015
PunkRockGirlArt - Painter, Poet, Urban/Rust Photographer, Old School Punk Enthusiast - Twitter, Instagram 2014-2015
Channeling Art - Supporter of the Arts, Collaborated on  Several Twitter Art Pages and Projects and met and featured tons of amazing artists and creators online. Twitter 2015 - 2018
(I wish I didn't delete that one but that is a whole other story)

In every single one of these projects I was expressing a very real part of myself, but not my whole self. That is something I realized I had to do when I chose to wrote my poetry book under my birth name Charity Janisse in 2015 - I am quite fond of all my lovely pen-names, usernames, project names honestly, it was fun getting to know myself better by expressing aspects of myself in each of these projects, but although they were all extremely entertaining and meaningful to me, they mostly just confused people who know me in real life or followed my work online - so R.I.P my many pen & project names. I loved you all!

All Art & Written Works on this bog past & present by:
Charity Janisse - Aritst, Poet, Author, Punk, Model, Psychic, Inspirational Writer, Photographer, Creator
1973-Present

Some of my favorite profile and project pictures through the years! Oh and I no longer have a copy of my original blue-haired Cherris pic from myspace 2005 - but it's on a mug in my studio. :D