In REMEMBRANCE, Love & GRATITUDE

The other night I had a poem flowing into my mind, I didn’t know what it was but I love to write with an image. I was at my desk and I needed a picture. I pointed my phone quickly at a painting leaning against the wall by my desk and took a photo and wrote the poem. A friend saw the image and asked where to buy my art and I still haven’t finished or photographed most of my work. I’m not even sure why. I’ve always liked my art but it’s always been mostly for my own entertainment, it’s hard for me to believe anyone else would really want it. Silly I know but that’s me, I live in my own odd little world and I’m always a bit surprised when someone wants to be a part of it. But anyway I decided this morning to go out in the sun with a decent camera and photograph this painting that’s been sitting in storage for 3 years and I feel like I saw the painting for the first time. I’m rather obsessed with it, the details, the waves of color, the floral moments. I saw this piece through new eyes today. I’m beginning to see a lot of things through new eyes. I’ve been wrecked this whole week due to heartbreaking news and the awareness that many have shared my same loss, a loss I never recovered from, a loss I seldom talk about, but I’ve been thinking all week about my son who visited this earth for far too short a time and everything that happened to me after that loss. I went inside to my own private world, pushed most everyone away and mainly just focused on trying to survive, be with my kids, keep food on the table and get by. I created art all this time of course, shared it too cause I liked the colors and the look of my work but I’ve been away honestly for so long in more ways than I can express and I’m realizing it’s time to come back to earth. Connect as best I can. Grief changes us all and as I grieve for so many that are only beginning this painful journey of losing one you love more than life itself I’m moved by my own love my own remembrance and the recognition that if my son was here right now, he’d want me to live, fully, joyfully, completely. He wouldn’t want to see me far away in my own little world just trying to survive. In remembrance and love and deep gratitude for my kids, family and friends that are still here I’m gonna try and come out of my shell and connect in more ways, it’s a process, I’m learning.
May 29 2022

What is the essence of a moment
An awareness
A recognition
That a thought has changed you
An idea
An experiment
An experience
Changes everything
You sent me to the brink
I’m not the first to visit
A hollow formed
By a loss of something
Someone
But here I stand
A tear for you for them
For all
Who fall to soon
And I fall too
But what do we do
Those who stay
When others have gone another way
I visit the brink
I sink
I fall
I remember
I call
And then I live on
But I must now see this life as the most sacred place to be
With or without you here
There is a reason
To step forward
The tentative first steps
Into a life
Completely transformed
For better or worse
I still love
A love that reaches stars
Like distant blue eyes
Smiling down on me
We love
We live
We step forward
Knowing we are better for having known these sacred ones.

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