In The Midst of This New Beginning

In the midst of this new beginning
I make a vow
in secret languages
alone and under my breath
will this stand till the final hour
will I admit my depth
I ask not for trite answers
or argument
I know this place
I know myself
and an hour better spent
I have seen the outcome
of resolution
firm and undenied
honest and untried
I know the light that lives outside
of moon and sun
when day is done
I have seen the eternal visions
with or without revisions
my soul speaks and will not be unspoken
my heart beats and will beat on  unbroken
I know truths no one can tell me
and I will never buy these boundaries
that they try so damn hard to sell me
and my lifestyle may border yet
on insolence
but it's better than indifference
What I have to say may be course and unrefined
this song I sing
may beat out of time
but the truth I bring
will never cease to speak for itself
I know what I've seen
beyond the light of day or stars of night
and I know the life I live is beyond
rationale and sensibility
but I know what I am capable of
no one can tell me different
I will not accept only what I see
I will not collect the expectations that others
pass to me
I will live the life of my own choice
I will not decline the freedom of my voice
I will live my life unfettered and free
and trust in a truth I cannot see
with my eyes alone
my spirit is brave enough to step into the unknown
Because I know that there is more...
I know that there is more and I want it
I want it all.
Charity (​Jun 1, 2005, 11:18 AM)
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I've been going through my old email account for my jewelry business SweetJane's Chains finding mountains of old poetry. I started making jewelry and writing after facing the greatest tragedy of my life in February 2005. I said goodbye to someone I loved more than my own life who crossed over to the other side. I was completely wrecked, my marriage and my world was crashing around me, my life was a ridiculous mess and everything was a blur. It's a time I don't tend to think of much because of the pain... some things we never fully recover from. So I'm going through my old email for my jewelry business and I find easily 150 poems, maybe more. All written in the worst year of my life, combined with these pictures that I'd saved in 2011 from my jewelry business. I don't remember being okay, I don't remember much of anything but I was writing and I was creating, wearable art at the time so I get now how I made it through. It's always been writing and creating for me. To realize now that my most painful year was one of my most creative says something about how I process my emotions and honestly how may artists do. It's survival to me, creativity, It's always been that way. I'm happy I saved all the poetry and some of these pictures of myself modeling the jewelry as well. I'm putting many of the poems in the archives in the poetry section of my blog at charityjanisse.com. So far I've only made it through some of the poetry there's tons more I'll be adding. My life was overwhelming but the writing was healing and I like reading the poetry back. Many are frustrated or sad but I found one that was actually pretty damn uplifting when I read it today. Poetry and art, I think I'm okay now because you were there for me. ;)