Solo in my blue room

When I was 20 or 21 I had this bedroom over Vine Street in Cincinnati, it was the only time in my life till now that I was ever truly unattached/single. I had a huge apartment in an old building with some of my best friends, Sandy and Johno. The room was over Bogart's in Coryville. Bogarts was and I believe still is a small concert hall. Here is a picture of my window. I did not take take this photograph, I wasn't much into technology in those days. I didn't have a camera or a tv. I had a radio/cd player and my room was usually just filled with music, maybe some pot smoke and lots of original art by myself and friends. That stack of bay windows to the left was my apartment building and the lower window was my bedroom.

My friends usually Andrea, Sandy or Aura and I would often sit in that window, talk for hours laugh and people watch. I worked at a coffee shop in downtown Cincy called Gratzi Cafe and when I wasn't making Lattes I was painting, writing poetry, drinking wine, hanging out all night at my favorite bars or parks till early mornings over coffee at Perkins. Up until recently that was the happiest time of my life. I was on my own, but often randomly seeing someone and I remember one guy I went out with for a little while took me out to a goth bar we all frequented, I think it was called The Cave, I don't remember. But Eric (the guy I was with) was friends with the owner of the club and could request music and I remember he took me there one night, and asked his friend to play this U2 song called "In Your Blue Room". Eric told me that it was just like being in my room. The song came up the other day, I hadn't heard it in forever, but as soon as I did, it took me right back to that room. So I've added the song and lyrics to this blog. I loved that room and maybe at some point I will explain why I walked away from it and the lifestyle there that I so adored; mostly it had a lot to do with my family and attempting to be the person they had intended me to be, instead of exactly me. But that is long story that I'm not interested in thinking about or sharing at the moment :).

 Anyway I tell you all this because being single again for the first time after 2 long term relationships - I have my own room again! And the fascinating thing is that although this new room is not over a bar in Cincinatti overlooking a street where I can people watch and smoke with friends, it is the same room. Book shelves full of my favorite authors. A Van Gogh print and tapestries, art by friends, candles and books by my bed, big windows and a blue bed spread. What I loved about back then and what I love about now, I have realized, is that I was and am now authentically, exactly me. I realize now that I lost a part of myself in those past two relationships and for the sake of those men, family obligations and jobs I did not care for, I became some one I was not. I was still me, but somewhat lost in all of that. I think many of us fall into that trap at some point. Now though I know myself more intimately than ever, I like who I am and I am absolutely positive that when and if I get in another relationship I will not lose the joy and freedom of being authentically, exactly me, ever again.
Cheers!
Charity Joy

Here is a picture of me and my friends Sandy and my sister Linda. It was my 21st Birthday Party. I'm the girl on the left, looking down. That's my room in the background though you can't really see it. I never realized till now the secret of being as happy as I was then lay in just accepting and expressing exactly who I am. XoX C

Uploaded on Oct 20, 2008

From the B-Sides of "The Best of 1990-2000"

It's time to go again
To your blue room
Got some questions to ask of you
In your blue room


The air is clean
Your skin is clear
I've had enough fun hanging 'round here
It's a different kind of conversation
Your blue room


Saw me coming
In outside
Saw me coming
Somewhere I can hide


And time is a string of pearls...your blue room
(I'm a swinger)
See the future just hanging there...your blue room
A new frame, a new perspective
Looking down on my objectives
Your instructions whatever their directions
Your blue room


Saw me coming
East by the moon
Saw me coming
Can you feel


(It's alright)


Your blue room


One day I'll be back...your blue room
Yeah, I hope I remember where it's at...your blue room


We see me slide
Won't you give me a home
So much for change


Zooming in
Zooming out
Nothing I can't do without
A lens to see it all up close
Magnifying what no one knows
Never in company
Never alone
No car alarm
No cellular phone 

All lyrics by U2