Thu, May 26, 2005, 1:09 AM

  Drifting

I could stay awake
and play this game all night
thoughts of you flitter and flutter
some feel wrong and
some feel oh so write
and I could play this game all night
tormenting myself
with words, ideas visions of lovely words
from you
and all the preconceptions and sweet affections
I swore I'd make so true
I could walk all day
under clear skys or wind and rain
one foot beyond the stretch of the other
and I could stop and stand
breathe a breath of air completely unplanned
in some new and unexpected place
I didn not intend to take my self
but that's what I love abou thtoughts of
you
I never know where they will land me
so darling don't unhand me
not just yet..
oh I soppose it's time for bed
and I'm drifting my spirit is lifting my heart and mind
to fleeting fluuttering visions of you
here in the dark space in front of my eyes
and I could play this game all night
visions of you and your spirit bright
and I could play this game all night....
but it's off to sleep
it's off to sleep
I'll entertain myself with dreams of thee...
drifting... drifting... my soul is lifting with visions of your smiling eyes
can let go.. not when I'm drifting even tho my concious mind tries
.... ah sweet images of your smiling eyes

Thu, May 26, 2005, 3:26 PM

  the fear that you call love

you are doing your best
I try not to forget
I cannot be to demanding
on your lack of understanding
of who the hell you think you are
or what you think of me
you are trying to let go
a little
I'll give you that
you held me so damn tight for so damn long!
and for a while it felt like love
now it feels more like fear
fear of you fear of me
what I' am capable of and
what we could accomplish together or apart
I'm sorry for you that you do not
know your self
or all the amazing things you are made of and capable of
but I cannot let your narrow mind
control me
just because you can't wrap your logical
thought pattern around all that I am
and can be when given a little room to breathe
does not mean that  I can allow your fears
to control my life anymore
We are two separate people you and I
and I know we've chosen to take
steps together in this walk of life
I cannot let your choices, invalidate mine
If you can't let me be impossible and make my own mistakes
then it's the same as you not trusting me
and believing in my ability to guide my own life
and you held me so tight for so long
and for a while it felt like love
but now it just feels like fear
your fear of you your fear of me
and all my dynamic possibility
but I cannot let this fear that you call love
control my life
any more.

Charity

Wed, May 25, 2005, 11:47 AM
  tantrum

something sparks of fascination
I pull myself away
tie my hands in two and
put them behind my back
I have no tact
or understanding
of inappropriate conversation
so the line your handing me right now
 makes no sense at all
you value your reality
I wink and hide from mine
dodging behind buildings
abandoned and rundown
cutting cross a rocky creek
to train tracks
I walk down
looking at the back of your house
pushing these thoughts to
the back of my mind
wondering if you will
come out and play
again so soon with me
We live in childish laughter and silly games
of what comes after
unmentioned names
between us
because the truth makes me want to cry
and scream and throw my temper tantrums
still hoping to be noticed by you again
I am waiting here below
your window
for the moment yougive me the signal
to climb tree branches
up to your smile and
laugh with you again.

Sun, May 15, 2011, 2:07 PM
to SweetJane's
She presses her face against the glass
looking forward, looking past
thinking... no not thinking back
she sees her breath again
the fog against the window pain
it's too cold
too fucking cold these days
she laces her boots
silently
perhaps a little violently
punishing herself
for letting go
to many days and nights to know
where the time went
how it was spent
and why she has so little to show
for so very much
what seams like so very much time
she touches up her nails
painting over the broken edges
hoping no one will notice
the little measures
she does and doesn't take
when everything breaks
just to get a little more strength
to step out the front door
in a strange city
she's looking for something
sacred and familiar
slipping on black bracelets
pulling back her tangled hair
if there was time to comb it
she wouldn't care to bother
she's never been the fussy type
she prides herself on the random fact
that a little lip-gloss is enough
to make herself presentable
she never needed much
in the way of makeup
always in a rush anyway
to waste the time
with powders and perfume
she's that girl that can't stop moving
can't stop proving to herself
if no one else
that she's accomplished something
something worth remembering
something that matters
in all this time
all this time
she grabs her jacket
that over-sized black jacket
that she borrowed from a friend ten years ago
telling herself it was only
a temporary cover from the cold
the fucking cold
and she's out the door
scraping ice off the car
hoping it will start
to find her way around
this town
this unfamiliar
seemingly
uninteresting... town
must be something to do
must be someone out there
that'll give a damn
eventually
about the fact
that
this girl even exists
and it's so fucking cold.