Thu, May 26, 2005, 1:09 AM
Drifting I could stay awake and play this game all night thoughts of you flitter and flutter some feel wrong and some feel oh so write and I could play this game all night tormenting myself with words, ideas visions of lovely words from you and all the preconceptions and sweet affections I swore I'd make so true I could walk all day under clear skys or wind and rain one foot beyond the stretch of the other and I could stop and stand breathe a breath of air completely unplanned in some new and unexpected place I didn not intend to take my self but that's what I love abou thtoughts of you I never know where they will land me so darling don't unhand me not just yet.. oh I soppose it's time for bed and I'm drifting my spirit is lifting my heart and mind to fleeting fluuttering visions of you here in the dark space in front of my eyes and I could play this game all night visions of you and your spirit bright and I could play this game all night.... but it's off to sleep it's off to sleep I'll entertain myself with dreams of thee... drifting... drifting... my soul is lifting with visions of your smiling eyes can let go.. not when I'm drifting even tho my concious mind tries .... ah sweet images of your smiling eyes
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Thu, May 26, 2005, 3:26 PM
the fear that you call love you are doing your best I try not to forget I cannot be to demanding on your lack of understanding of who the hell you think you are or what you think of me you are trying to let go a little I'll give you that you held me so damn tight for so damn long! and for a while it felt like love now it feels more like fear fear of you fear of me what I' am capable of and what we could accomplish together or apart I'm sorry for you that you do not know your self or all the amazing things you are made of and capable of but I cannot let your narrow mind control me just because you can't wrap your logical thought pattern around all that I am and can be when given a little room to breathe does not mean that I can allow your fears to control my life anymore We are two separate people you and I and I know we've chosen to take steps together in this walk of life I cannot let your choices, invalidate mine If you can't let me be impossible and make my own mistakes then it's the same as you not trusting me and believing in my ability to guide my own life and you held me so tight for so long and for a while it felt like love but now it just feels like fear your fear of you your fear of me and all my dynamic possibility but I cannot let this fear that you call love control my life any more. Charity Wed, May 25, 2005, 11:47 AM
tantrum something sparks of fascination I pull myself away tie my hands in two and put them behind my back I have no tact or understanding of inappropriate conversation so the line your handing me right now makes no sense at all you value your reality I wink and hide from mine dodging behind buildings abandoned and rundown cutting cross a rocky creek to train tracks I walk down looking at the back of your house pushing these thoughts to the back of my mind wondering if you will come out and play again so soon with me We live in childish laughter and silly games of what comes after unmentioned names between us because the truth makes me want to cry and scream and throw my temper tantrums still hoping to be noticed by you again I am waiting here below your window for the moment yougive me the signal to climb tree branches up to your smile and laugh with you again. Sun, May 15, 2011, 2:07 PM
to SweetJane's She presses her face against the glass looking forward, looking past thinking... no not thinking back she sees her breath again the fog against the window pain it's too cold too fucking cold these days she laces her boots silently perhaps a little violently punishing herself for letting go to many days and nights to know where the time went how it was spent and why she has so little to show for so very much what seams like so very much time she touches up her nails painting over the broken edges hoping no one will notice the little measures she does and doesn't take when everything breaks just to get a little more strength to step out the front door in a strange city she's looking for something sacred and familiar slipping on black bracelets pulling back her tangled hair if there was time to comb it she wouldn't care to bother she's never been the fussy type she prides herself on the random fact that a little lip-gloss is enough to make herself presentable she never needed much in the way of makeup always in a rush anyway to waste the time with powders and perfume she's that girl that can't stop moving can't stop proving to herself if no one else that she's accomplished something something worth remembering something that matters in all this time all this time she grabs her jacket that over-sized black jacket that she borrowed from a friend ten years ago telling herself it was only a temporary cover from the cold the fucking cold and she's out the door scraping ice off the car hoping it will start to find her way around this town this unfamiliar seemingly uninteresting... town must be something to do must be someone out there that'll give a damn eventually about the fact that this girl even exists and it's so fucking cold. |
Charity Janisse
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