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I ask too many questions
I know and I try to rush through the dull moments the hard parts of life and get to the other side but right now I will open my eyes and accept this is it the place that I intended when I took each step along this path good or bad planned or unplanned this is my desire this is my sacred space in reality that I have made for my self. I accept this gift regardless that it cost so much to see this clearly and feel this sure of myself I would not go back I would not go through any of that ever again but I can accept the gifts of the darkers days I'll accept my life and this look on my face there may be a shadow in my smile that I didn't plan for but it's better because it feels good after everything we've faced to just sit here and be ok it feels good to be okay and it used to feel like nothing I was always restless, wanting for something more and now it just feels amazing to not be hurting... It's feels so right to just be... it feels ............so much more like me.
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This is it that quiet astounding moment when you cease to be a cynic and you say I'm here this is the place I knew I could trace my life forward to if I painted the desire into a solid color with paint that I could see and feel cold and real on my fingertips taste the color of this thought with my tongue and lips. This is it the moment when you step outside of yourself and say this is my life exactly it's not some show I'm watching or a book I'm reading hoping for an interesting moment or a better ending it just is... It's happening. I look at my hands pale and stong I laugh at my reflection it's been far too long since I've recognized myself and now I do it feels beautiful, it feels safe and utterly true just to be here in this moment in my life and with you. |
Charity Janisse
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August 2022
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