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let not your eyes follow
bother not with me a lover I'll never be to you I know that now I'll let myself out and after now whatever I see dream think or want will not be anything I'll trouble you with you needn't worry don't let your sweet head ache with thoughts of us waste not your precious thoughts with me I'll mind myself thanks walk on down the tracks I'll skim across the plains worry not for lost love it comes again and I'll pretend I was not tossed out by the idea of him want not for an evening alone together you and I and wander not what we may have been together or all the times you made me cry rest your heavy head on another's shoulder and tell yourself a lie like I'm better off with out you and your pretty words yah tell yourself another lie like I am better off without the things you said oh the likes of which I'd never heard... wonder not about me and the road that I walk down I shall be looking back enough for the two of us though I doubt I'll ever see you again around this way and I'll try to let my heart not ache I'll try to see another face in my mind when I wake and I'll try not to let my soft heart break for all the love that we will not make let not your eyes follow my steps out the door just let your lazy gaze trail to the floor and let me step safely soundly away and let your heart not think of me even one more day... I'll just step away quietly ~ so quietly I'll just walk ~ yes I'll walk away right now I'll just run ~ I sware to god ~ I'll just run away so far as fast as I can cause it's hurts too damn much to linger here and hunger for another that I've not even met. Charity
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unsaid
alone here fresh from a bath soak away my restless thoughts and pour myself a cool glass of wine I think of words said unsaid and the trails of you my mind follows through the paths back to your smile and a few kind words a road my mind knows oh... all to well and you are not real. I knew that all along but wanted to believe somewhere someone was different from the others what a silly expectation that turned out to be a sip of my drink and I know that I'll think even less about you tomorrow than I did today and that is the only way I'll get through this without feeling utterly hurt and foolish it was only words after all as pretty as they seamed and then... well ~ perhaps a few reckless dreams and some pictures that made me a little weak in the knees but there was no voice no touch ~ no kiss no proof that you actually do exist and tomorrow I'm sure that I will miss you less than I do tonight yah I'll be I'll right let me just tell myself this one more time and I won't feel so hurt and foolish forgotten unwanted out of your sight and completely out of your mind just know it was never what you said that hurt me but all that you did not say and the knowing that you never will. tell me how you move on so easily without thinking of me please I need some clues give me the keys to the way you let go so carelessy I want to be indifferent unspent thoughtless and well...more like you if only to hurt a little less over this silly mess of emotions I let myself get tangled up inside not even quite sure why it's not as if I love just anyone... so just tell me now how to recover think of some other move on and not let my mind wander back to you... tell me please give the keys to how you move on with such careless ease I want to be thoughtless unspent, indifferent and well... a little more like you so I can hurt a little bit less than I do. Mon, Aug 29, 2005, 10:42 PM
to sweet_jane17 cast out neither this nor that nor they nor we I heard the words but did not see was this your request what a tepid plea and I am not impressed fell down cast out forgot exactly how to say or do what I said never for and I began to believe that there was a need for something else outside of me was to blind to fucking see the truth don't stand where I can see the shadow of your face on the ground even that is to close for me when you're around I sigh throw another little temper tantrum and try my damndest not to cry I'm such a girl such a fucking girl these days what did you say did I go back lose track old letters sounded better than what your saying now and how you caught me borrowed sold bought me it's a lie another god damn lie and I believed for a moment I just really wanted to believe that some one some where was honest and could care but fuck it fuck you fuck them all. You're just the same you're just the fucking same as everyone so don't stand near put out your hand I fear you're just another bull shit man is that your plan get near to me pretend to be something sacred unique and deep I don't want it I don't buy it and honestly I'd just rather get some sleep. Aug 24, 2005, 9:45 AM
surround me with a breath a smile a soft word or nothing as I lean and look into the nothingness of this for a few minutes it felt like something amazing but I have landed I'm so pissed that I fucking cried over the idea of you I'm spacing out... out of words ~ out of thoughts and I can't believe you said you'd be just the same without me I can't believe I cared so god damn much for someone who could take or leave me... it's all the same you're all the fucking same Charity You did me quite a favor really
now let me just take a few minutes and get you the fuck out of my head heart... soul wherever you managed to weezle you way into without even noticing My mind wandered but you brought it back reminded me how lucky I am to be loved by someone other than you anyone really must be out there has to be more some how one way or another so thanks ~ if nothing else thanks for that now all I have left to say about you is the idea and fantasy was much better than the reality of who you turned out to be I can't believe I was stupid enough to think that you were different in any way from all the others... now get the fuck out of my life. Charity Aug 23, 2005 12:02 PM
Falling down stumbling out the door of this futile love as I push you up against the wall in the very back corner of my mind another feeble attempt to leave you behind indifference and a callous phrase from the one that once gave me a little more faith in man's ways sidestepping emotions and ideas of us that bring more hurt than I care to admit to you, myself or anyone really at this point as I sit here once again feeling forgettable unbeautiful and I've wasted too many thoughts on you to count if I had the time even I would not take it now I'm just not resilient enough to allow myself to love someone that I'd rather push up against a wall in the very back corner of my mind. Sun, Aug 21, 2005, 8:30 AM
to sweet_jane17 we are hanging by a thread and the things that you said are killing me so deep that I can hardly breathe not sure what I want hoping it's along the lines of what you need and I'm tyring to get better trying to get over to many words unsaid, unread and I'm trying to think clearly why do you stay so near me sometimes... I wish I had it in me to feel as fine as you do you still seam to love so much and I'm barely in touch at all can't fall when I have been left uncaught so many times past everything moves so fast and once again you want it all back how much longer can I hang in till I feel what you feel again... forever I soppose as this is what I chose and I have a life time left... to remember how to trust again. Aug 5, 2005, 2:31 PM no chance of forever I tell the truth then sit and stare frighten myself because who I am hits me more fiercely than I'd like to admit sometimes thoughts of you turned out to be a brief excursion from reality what a brilliant diversion you would be but that would have been all and I have deeper things left on my mind than a tumble with someone who is mostly blind to the essence of my nature sometimes it's far too easy to find something someone to help me unwind but I talk some sense into myself you move on to someone else it would not have mattered in the end our lives are to different much better as friends since we have no chance whatsoever of any sort of together forever why hurt each other when we could both find a lover anywhere any place anyway. |
Charity Janisse
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