but not quite so

​I am not doing as well as I'd like
it is so easy to finalize things on paper
but not quite so in the soul
and I tell myself
you do not exist
and even if you do
you are nothing like
how I picture you
in my mind
and thats the image I cannot leave behind
not yet
but I'm getting there
just have to stop lingering here
there is nothing for me
in this place
no look of love for me
in your eyes
no smile for this girl
on your face
sometimes I get to feeling
so reckless restless
that I want to throw glass bottles
up against a red brick wall
or figure out how the hell to actually cry...
I get so used to stopping myself
as quickly as I start...
but I miss you like hell
and I don't know who youeven are
or how you feel about me
you probably just want to fuck
like any other guy
and I have it in my head that
there's more to you than that...
and I'm probably wrong
I'm wrong all the time...