I am not doing as well as I'd like
it is so easy to finalize things on paper but not quite so in the soul and I tell myself you do not exist and even if you do you are nothing like how I picture you in my mind and thats the image I cannot leave behind not yet but I'm getting there just have to stop lingering here there is nothing for me in this place no look of love for me in your eyes no smile for this girl on your face sometimes I get to feeling so reckless restless that I want to throw glass bottles up against a red brick wall or figure out how the hell to actually cry... I get so used to stopping myself as quickly as I start... but I miss you like hell and I don't know who youeven are or how you feel about me you probably just want to fuck like any other guy and I have it in my head that there's more to you than that... and I'm probably wrong I'm wrong all the time...
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Charity Janisse
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August 2022
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