too many questions

​I ask too many questions
I know
and I try to rush through the
dull moments
the hard parts of life
and get to the other side
but  right now
I will open my eyes
and accept
this is it
the place that I intended
when I took each step
along this path
good or bad
planned or unplanned
this is my desire
this is my sacred space in reality
that I have made
for my  self.
I accept this gift
regardless that it
cost so much
to see this clearly
and feel this sure of myself
I would not go back
I would not  go through any of that
ever again
but I can accept the gifts
of  the darkers days
I'll accept my life and this look on my face
there may be a shadow
in my smile
that I didn't plan for
but it's better
because it feels good
after everything we've faced
to just sit here
and be ok
it feels good to be okay
and it used to feel like nothing
I was always restless, wanting
 for something more
and now it just feels amazing
to not be hurting...
It's feels so right to just be...
it feels
............so much more like me.