unsaid
alone here fresh from a bath soak away my restless thoughts and pour myself a cool glass of wine I think of words said unsaid and the trails of you my mind follows through the paths back to your smile and a few kind words a road my mind knows oh... all to well and you are not real. I knew that all along but wanted to believe somewhere someone was different from the others what a silly expectation that turned out to be a sip of my drink and I know that I'll think even less about you tomorrow than I did today and that is the only way I'll get through this without feeling utterly hurt and foolish it was only words after all as pretty as they seamed and then... well ~ perhaps a few reckless dreams and some pictures that made me a little weak in the knees but there was no voice no touch ~ no kiss no proof that you actually do exist and tomorrow I'm sure that I will miss you less than I do tonight yah I'll be I'll right let me just tell myself this one more time and I won't feel so hurt and foolish forgotten unwanted out of your sight and completely out of your mind just know it was never what you said that hurt me but all that you did not say and the knowing that you never will. tell me how you move on so easily without thinking of me please I need some clues give me the keys to the way you let go so carelessy I want to be indifferent unspent thoughtless and well...more like you if only to hurt a little less over this silly mess of emotions I let myself get tangled up inside not even quite sure why it's not as if I love just anyone... so just tell me now how to recover think of some other move on and not let my mind wander back to you... tell me please give the keys to how you move on with such careless ease I want to be thoughtless unspent, indifferent and well... a little more like you so I can hurt a little bit less than I do.
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Charity Janisse
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August 2022
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