​Maybe we were meant
To meet then 
For now
Maybe we both had some things to figure out
Maybe we were meant to come together
I’m the way we did
Back then
To awaken what we always held within
I’m wide awake
I know today
It used to be hard to love you
When the distance plagued me 
And the pain of longing for your touch
Wrecked me much too to much too much
But it’s not hard to love you anymore
I just do
And I hope for the best for you
I hope you know all the brilliance you are
That the light is lovely as is the dark
It used to destroy me to wake in the night
Without you to hold me 
And I ran and I ran 
From the pain of that
But now I wake
Occasionally 
With the presence of a feeling 
In my chest that feels like a heart 
That is home
Just to know
That you roam
Someplace on this planet to
Thinking of me 
Like I’m thinking of you
And maybe it was all meant to happen
Peak
Unravel
Retreat
Rebuild
Restore
Reach towards
Today 
Today 
I am yours as always
And you are mine
Today. 

​Charity

​I’ve got you
You’re here with me mom my heart 
In my head
The essence of what I say might be
The physical
Complex 
We call body
Yet there is need
For the physical presence
The essence of you
I’m deep
I’m me
You are 
A part of my soul
I understand
I look and almost see you face
Moments unplanned
I like loving you
Even letting tears fall
For the impact of it all
Sometimes
I like knowing you’re out there
And I’m here
I’m here
Somewhere
Tangled up inside the desire to tell the world how fucking beautiful you are
Do you know 
How beautiful you are
Please know how beautiful 
You are.


I love you.

​​When did I see you last
When I got on the bus from Florida to Cincinnati in my favorite hat
That I stole from my dad…
When I walked out of the house again… mad at him
He and I never could see eye to eye
(Never stopped us from loving each other though)
Love is odd like that
Something we don’t decide
But in many ways all the different kinds of love are the main reason we arrive
In this place called human life.

But then there’s a lot that we do
Which we never decide
Experiences, expressions and all
These human functions that happen anyway
Like we breathe to live, though we rarely give it a thought
And bleed when hurt
And heal whether we try to or not
It’s just something our body decides
And does.
I think love is a lot like that
A force of something like nature
That chooses us
And exists in our soul
Whether we want to feel it for a particular someone or not…

When did I see you last
When I walked down the beach alone with my feet in the sand
my green hippy back pack
With a beat up old journal
Full of poems I’d written about you
And maybe I hadn’t even met you yet.

When did I see you last
Over a cup of coffee
In a midnight diner
In the mountains in Tennessee
Country music on the jukebox that I tried not to like
Cause I was a punk rock girl.
The way I tried not to like you so much
When it seemed you didn’t feel the same
But the heart makes its own decisions…
Sometimes I think the rest of us, our mind, our body, our soul
Is just along for the ride.

When did I see you last
When I was sitting by a river in the woods
My skin damp
From dew on the grass
In the early morning light
Went there to meditate
Or maybe take pictures
walk the trails
And I found myself
Half asleep on the grass in a sunrise
Dreaming your smile
Like I have many times,
Before and since we met
If I’ve even met you yet…

When did I see you last
At an airport in the desert
The night I landed in my new life
Leaving everything I’d ever tried to be
That was not me
Behind
In offices
I’d never step foot in again.
I’d write books, paint pictures, tell fortunes and chase little ones to get by after that.
Sometimes something happens in your life and you never look back.
Sometimes a moment changes you and you shout inside to the universe your greatest thank you
Tears of joy on the brim of your lashes
Because you know you’ve found your honest identity, your reason to be
And you’ll never again attempt to be
Anyone different
Ever again.

And the body keeps breathing,
The sleeping mind keeps dreaming,
We bleed when hurt, we heal without giving it much of a thought
and we scar, yeah of course we scar at times too,
Because as we all know certain moments in life leave a permanent mark.

That moment in my life
Left a mark,
One I would never give back
That moment I saw you last
If I’ve ever even seen you at all
In this present human life
With these wide blues
Maybe it was another me
In a forgotten dream
That knew you so well that I brought your memory
Into this world with me
Maybe it’s only my heart and not conscious thought at all
That  actually remembers
When I did see you last
When did I see you last
When did I see you last
When will I see you next.

Charity

​I will not give up on you
Not now 
 Not ever
It is not something I can do
Or could 
Even if I wanted to 
You are water
You are air
You are the breath of life 
The breeze in my hair
You are 
The sun on my face
Kissing my skin
With tender warmth
And I cannot pretend 
That there is now
Or could ever be
Anyone else in the world 
For me.
So I will not give up on you 
I couldn’t if I wanted to
I will not give up on you
I couldn’t if I wanted to.

​Charity
November 28 2021

​There is an easy symmetry about the way 
That we pretend to not need one another.
There’s a stream that runs between 
Dimensions that we both have seen
And we meet together when we dream
A life without you next to me
Feels like a half life on the days when missing you
Is at its extreme
But then there are days when I feel completely complete 
And I am
And you are
And we are
We know this 
With a sacred knowing
So why is it we’re not showing
We want each other?
To admit we that you are missing from me
Does it mean 
That I there is a void in my life
In the shape of your body
Near mine
In the night 
Perhaps maybe possibly
So
Perhaps not 


I suppose we
May never know...

​Charity

​If there was a better way to see it
Perhaps I would
If there was another way to leave it
Perhaps I could
But the day we met
Is the only time
I ever felt 
At home
On this spinning whirling ball of green and blue
And I knew
I came for you
There's many I love
And much to do
I've got my plans, my dreams, my goals
My ideas, my unspoken wishes
Like anyone
But you
You Feel like the home
I've never known.

​Charity

​It's October now
and you don't know me anymore
the winds have blown through ages
of silence and mystery
tossed us
like autumn leaves
beyond your thought
and under your feet
but I will not cease
to love you
though it remains
unknown and misunderstood
completely by me
even why
this energy that is love
is something that sometimes just  happens to us
(occasionally)


we do not decide
or try
to feel or fall 
it simply becomes us.


one moment we don't know
and then we do.


but what to do
what to do
what to do
once we know
I don't chase
and have not been caught
though I'll not deny you are what you 
are
and in being that
exactly
what I want.


and it's October again
full circle 
nearly 8 years since
that day we met
a november 
I will not regret
full circle and if I could go back
I would still have met you there
I'd have met your hesitant smile
I'd have met your rich brown eyes
your quiet laugh
and smooth sexy voice
like a perfect cup of coffee
first thing early morning
when the world is delicious


and new


I'd listen again to your story
of why you could not tip
that horrible waitress and then
you had to go back for the things
you forgot at the table
and face her again
I would have died
of humiliation if that were I
but you just shrugged and laughed a little nervously
because things like that
seemed to be a regular part of your path...


But was meeting someone like me
that would fall
so breathlessly
head over everything
for you
just a regular part of your path
I'm guessing now
perhaps it is


at least I suppose
as I was never a chance
you chose
to take
more like
a random dance
in the night
with an unknown person
some dim light
after a beer or two
perhaps something more like that
I'm guessing since you
left so easily
with a smile
and a cheers
maybe some mild disappointment
that I could not be friends
and off you went to your own life
not knowing how you'd shaken mine
(I didn't know either. in fact I thought I'd quickly forget you like
every other)
and here I am after all this time
full circle October
and a leftover rhyme
still I am forever changed
and
I'd love to say 
I planned it this way
somehow
but love is not something we choose 
is it?
no it's not like that
it chooses us
it chooses us
and this love chose me


though occasionally
I hate the fact
that we gave up
that nothing
ever came of us
but I cannot help to trust
that eternity lined us up that day
for some specifically spectacular reason
so I would not go back 
and not meet you
no I would not go back.
no
I'd meet you a thousand times over
listen to your stories again
about how your life had not yet measured up to your standard
but still you would move forward after
what it is you decided mattered.
(even though it would not be me that mattered
not me you'd go after)
I would not change the day
we sat together
and talked like old friends
though we'd just met.


now it's
full circle october
leaf spinning breeze
sneaks through my window
and it's days like this
I extra remember
days like the one
I fell in love
with you.
what to do
sit down and write this I guess
smile and be glad we met
what's all that about better to have loved and such
yeah that fits
and it's
full circle october now.
full circle october now.


Charity

It’s not over for me yet
I’m going to go all
The way with this
Not going to fucking let you forget
That we both still exist 
And I will touch you flesh to flesh
Your fleeting smile
Your dark regrets
I know that I am one of them
But babe this is not over yet
I know I’m the girl you won’t forget
So hear I sit
Late October leaf tossing breeze
This dress lacing it’s fabric around my knees
My hair pulled back
My neck so free
I fear not vulnerability 
I hear you
I know you
I see you
I touch you
In the endless air around us 
There is fire
Endless undeniable 
Between us
I know that it was always me
I know you read every word I wrote
Like a song as you lingered on every note
You knew I loved you
And you know I love you now
I do not fear
Time 
Space
Silence
Or separation
Because none of it is real
We are one
We always have been
And we will always be 
Destined then and again to meet
I believe in this
Light kiss
On forehead neck then cheek
Closer
Yes 
Please to my chest
My lips suggest a tenderness
That I may have forgotten
To share with you
But I’m here and I’m ready
Willing
With walls down
God it took me forever
But there is no time
So forever is meaningless
I have always been yours
And you 
Have always been mine. 

Charity