AND MY HANDS DANCE ALONG THE CANVAS

AND MY HANDS DANCE ALONG THE CANVAS 2/24/2015

(He seems okay,
he seems fine)
I'm wrecked of course
but hardly mind
dripping in
sipping in
time and wine.

como siempre
sin ti
lately ~

nights are empty
I am waking
walking
forwards
backwards
possibly stalking
a hopeless thought
I once forgot ~

Staring blankly
I laugh and thank thee
for the awakening
that was
absolutely unstoppable.
And now
my hands lift from the pages
ink and paint
translucent blue
a hint of orange
(a hint of you)
my hands dance
along the canvas
and I sigh
release my mind
into the way
I've learned to step back
and watch it all unwind.

I am madness

girl undefined

(and he seems okay, and he seems fine)
but what the fuck do I know
anyway
about the me
the him, the them
the they

we're probably all fucking pretending to be okay
anyway ...
and I'm here still savoring a winter day
before I fucked it all up
before I threw it all the fuck away

I remember
getting high in the bath
and then thinking later
that perhaps
if I left
he would follow.
what a goddamn hollow wish that was
what a goddamn hollow wish.

and now the shadows grow longer
love I meant to fade
grows stronger
and I lift my hands
from the place they dance
along the canvas that I found by chance
and I love my hands
like this ~ in color
of jewels and treasure
dripping with delectable
paint and pleasure ~

I wake
(waking, wake)
unafraid
unmade
and I'm okay
just to be awake today ~
blue eyes open
so damn wide
and it's so good
to see my life
from this picturesque
perspective
I am my very own thought collective
learning a new ritual
of sinking in
diving in
reveling in
as the colors spin
and I'm adoring every minute of
this
delicious life
I stumbled upon
when I fell over him
and then
got back up
and learned to walk
again.

Charity Janisse