JUsT WHen I Decide Not to Love You

​JUST WHEN I DECIDE NOT TO LOVE YOU 5/10/2014

Just when I decide not to love you
Something happens
And I remember that I do.
I can't help it,
And it makes me feel as if I have gone
A little crazy
Because here I am alone
And I'm trying to move on
With my life
And do all the things
That I usually like...
Whatever will take my mind
Away from you.
And every day I say anew
"Today I won't love him anymore
Today for sure."
And then something happens
Some song plays
Or some line of poetry
I read
Strikes my heart
Just right
       Or just wrong
(Not sure anymore)
And my mind brings up
A picture of
Your face...
My mind
Somehow it finds it again
Even though
I tried to hide it
From myself
Some where
Deep within the darkest corner of thought
A place I hoped
I had
Forgot -
But It turns out
That I did not.

Dammit why
Every time
That I decide
It's ridiculous to love you
I discover
That I still do.
I remember that I still do.
My eyes tear up
My heart skips and jumps
And it makes no sense
To my clever head
That tells me thoughts of you
Should be long dead

And still
Here I go
All over again

Just when

I decide not to love you
I remember
That I still do.

Charity