Was there ever

Was there ever
Any question.
I thought this feeling would 
Perhaps
Fade
One day
But maybe it’ll just last
Forever
I never expected to see you
In my dreams
Still 8 years later
And what is left to do
Anything
Any damn little thing?
Moving on seemed like such an easy thought
But somehow I’ve forgot
How the hell
To release
The idea of you
Nearer to
Me
You know I’m too Damn proud to request
Your presence
As you’ve gone


But each time something brings you back to me in thought
And the memory of your smile sits in the center of my chest 
Unmoving
I can’t help but wonder - what if no one’s name
Ever sounds the same
On my lips
And what if 
No ones eyes
Ever feel like home
The way yours did
What is it
In this universe
That keeps calling me back to you?
What is it
In this universe 
That keeps drawing me back to you?
I’d like to believe 
Someone else could do
Some else 
Could make me feel
Exquisite
Excited 
Satisfied 
Fascinated
Nervous
Delighted
Enchanted
Ignited
The way I felt 
With you -
But there’s been no high
Like the high of you
And there’s been no low
Like the absence of you
From this daily life
That I still love
This daily life 
That I still live
This daily life where I laugh, and I work, smile and survive
And give my time
To those that would have me near
(And you are not one that has asked to have me near)
So I let you go
I let you have
Your time, your space
Your years of days
Away from me
As that seems to be
Where you want to be -
I respect your choices
As you are free
To do as you choose ...
​We all are of course
I just wish
I didn’t still wish
That your choice 
Was me.
I just wish
I didn’t 
Still wish
To be
So much nearer you.
June 30, 2021