It was the want that drove me.
the desire deeper than any hunger...
like the time the waves of the ocean
almost pulled me back and under 
and I fought to the surface, fought for air
fought for life
that's what the want felt like.
it drove me to trade all that I'd made
all that I'd built and all games that I played
it was the want that drove me to throw it all away 
and chase the moon instead
the sand of the desert
the ancient promise that all things that be
are deity
all things that breathe
are a breath of divine eternity.
I had to push through the walls, the roof, the ceiling
for the sake of the want
for the depth of that feeling.
it drove me to break through all that I was told
I could not, should not and would never do.
I had to 
in response to the want of something
greater, deeper
more powerful, passionate and utterly real 
than any need I'd allowed myself to feel
before the day I gave into the want
got on an airplane and
threw away
every catch that ever caught at my skin and held me back
from feeding that longing.
it was and will always be
the need
to honor the want.

Charity J