Monday, September 19, 2005
​am I so utterly out of reach
​
Am I to live
as fire and water
unbridled
unbidden
I'll come running after
am I to laugh
quietly under my breathless breath
I stop to wonder
have you left
will you come over
am I to dance
alone again under
the cover
of a moonlit hour
will candlelight
throw shadows
of one
or two
am I to spend another night
void of the true essence
I've seen of  you...
you are only
standing on the edge
you dare not
even think to
climb back through
the window
you'd rather
linger on the ledge
is it safe to enter
do you jump
down into the street
or climb to the rooftop
and what is it you expect to meet
in the torchlight
a curtain blowing
a silhouette of a girl
how many times
have I haunted your dreams
and you wonder if you've
ever haunted mine
if I want your love
the way you've longed for
even the smallest sign...
beyond a flutter of eye contact
as I quickly glance away
hide a faint smile
is it meant for you
do I want you to stay
an hour longer
and the question
pierces you again like a knife
do I desire you
for an evening
or perhaps the rest of my life
and why
do you hesitate
why do you dare not speak
 your heart your mind
am I so utterly out of reach

or is it you


Last night I dreamt an unusual dream that I can barely touch in this waking hour,
 and I woke to speak into darkness "I will always love you, I will always love you."

6:05 AM 
Charity Janisse

Monday, September 19, 2005
so I remembered my dream...
​
I remember the way
he said
"I love you"
I can almost hear it aloud in my mind
while I sit here now and write this down...
that subtle Irish lilt... and a hint of sadness
he begged me to stay on in town
for a spell
I'd already lingered a week or two
 too long
and it was beginning to feel like roots
and for some ~ roots ground and stabilize
through the winds and rain of life
but for me they are naught but a tangled trap
a spider web vast
attempting to keep me on
for too long ...
it's too much like ties
and I remember the look of love and sorrow in his eyes
another season and he'd have
his harvest and enough of what he thought he'd need
 to come and  travel along with me
but who waits for the land
when they long to touch the sky...
as I
ever, always do...
and it seems the only response I know to say
to words of love
is  goodbye...
and I ... always do
we met for one last night
in the tavern where we'd
locked eyes for the first time
with songs and a fireplace bright
he bought me
my share of ale
and I bedded him
as I'd intended anyway
with or without the drink
and whether or not I would stay
I saw something in his eyes
I'd never seen in a man
and I mistakenly thought
I'd stumble across the likes of one like him
again...
I did not.
I traded a house and a field
and any hope of family or a stable life
for the woods
and the roads
a verse, a song
and my ever restless wandering spirit.
I don't questions choices I make
once all is done
whether to go or stay
I'll always move on
I don't regret
the loves I've left along the way
but there was one
that almost made me stay
He said "I love you"
and from his lips those sacred words fell
with such passion
they sounded as if they'd been stolen from an epic tale
of  battle and romance and glory
something about him
and the way he made his claim
sounded as if it had never been said before
and would never be said again
to another
but could I be a lover
 to one
who needed solid ground beneath his feet
at the end of the day
a warm place to sleep
I need the ships, I need the waves
I need the forest, the fields
a brand new place
whenever I desire
a different tavern
a different fire
  endless adventures for stories and verses
but sometimes... my heart... it curses
my restless spirit
that could not stop along the way
wait a little longer and stay
with a man who said
"I love you" the way
I would never hear again...
and it took me a life time to realize
that I would forever be in love with him.

​Charity


5:55 AM

​Saturday, September 17, 2005
Lady of the Wood

She wanders the wasted wood
a forest nymph or a wood elf is she
as displaced in this land of man
 as the bear she so laments.
 Her heart is torn asunder
like the wood she loves
as it is carelessly devoured by man's plans
and thoughtless iron fist.
She is connected to the earth
a spirit of nature
that shines
as she comes for a time
to visit this wretched world
where so much is lost
and to soon forgotten...
So much beauty
in the endless art of leaves and bark
 tangled trees
and forgotten streams.
She cries for the land.
Her heart breaks for the loss of life
so brutally tossed aside
and she hides in sorrow
longing for a glimpse of hope in the morrow.
But in her sadness she forgets
that there is rare beauty in her compassion
a beautiful spirit
in her passion
for these creatures of the earth
and trees.
There is a reason
she is here in this place
of desolation, pain and waste.
She brings a spark of understanding
that few can fathom.
Her voice is a voice of reason
reminding us of the treason
of destroying where we come from
the earth, the trees, the water, the sun.
And though she feels spent
we hear her lament
and pause to revel in the beauty of nature
and sorrow of loss
we might otherwise
let pass us by.

Her passion weeps
the forest sleeps
but beauty is enraptured
in the images she's captured.
And her poetry sings a song
that allows her wood to live on
in the hearts and souls of those
that won't so easily forget
the simple beauty and value of a quiet forest
and the sanctuary that can be found
in the calming sound
of a rambling stream.


Another poem inspired by my lovely friend CrimsonWido

Charity Janisse

​Friday, September 16, 2005
was that the sun

was that the sun
sneaking through the kitchen window
casting it's yellow smile on the wall
was that the wind
teasing like hands through my hair
with the faint smell of fall
was that the morning
that crept thru my bedroom window
announcing that another day has come

was that the evening
the darkening sky
filled with stars as bright
as a glistening look in your eye
was that the world
continuing to spin
and the moon and the sun in the sky
as they have always been
was that life living still
and time preceding
onward without stopping

could it be that days carry on
and seasons change throughout the year
and night turns into dawn
even without you here
and I would not have thought
that the universe would continue
or even I
as small as I may be
in the whole realm of all
could wake and leave my dreams
and step from one day to the next
without you here with me

was that the sun
shining thru my kitchen window
casting it's yellow smile
on my face
was that smell of fall and the change of seasons
continuing in this place...
is it right that life should move forward and
that I should go on too
when I miss you more than ever before
and my heart will not stop aching

at the thought

of autumn

without you.

​Charity