Am I so Utterly Out Of Reach?

Monday, September 19, 2005
​am I so utterly out of reach
​
Am I to live
as fire and water
unbridled
unbidden
I'll come running after
am I to laugh
quietly under my breathless breath
I stop to wonder
have you left
will you come over
am I to dance
alone again under
the cover
of a moonlit hour
will candlelight
throw shadows
of one
or two
am I to spend another night
void of the true essence
I've seen of  you...
you are only
standing on the edge
you dare not
even think to
climb back through
the window
you'd rather
linger on the ledge
is it safe to enter
do you jump
down into the street
or climb to the rooftop
and what is it you expect to meet
in the torchlight
a curtain blowing
a silhouette of a girl
how many times
have I haunted your dreams
and you wonder if you've
ever haunted mine
if I want your love
the way you've longed for
even the smallest sign...
beyond a flutter of eye contact
as I quickly glance away
hide a faint smile
is it meant for you
do I want you to stay
an hour longer
and the question
pierces you again like a knife
do I desire you
for an evening
or perhaps the rest of my life
and why
do you hesitate
why do you dare not speak
 your heart your mind
am I so utterly out of reach

or is it you


Last night I dreamt an unusual dream that I can barely touch in this waking hour,
 and I woke to speak into darkness "I will always love you, I will always love you."

6:05 AM 
Charity Janisse