DEFINED 1/25/2014

It is true that I am all of those things
and yet I never wanted to be seen
or defined
as any single one of them.

Charity

To show my art
is to show my madness
to let it be revealed
for what it is

the depth
the need that gnaws at us

am I alone in this

Emily Dickinson hid in white dresses and lived in a quiet room
away from anyone
who
would seek to know her more
and me

I hide

behind this electric screen

the walls are the same

life goes on outside
and I swear to join it again

but what am I to do
what am I to bring when I leave this place

if not my words
if not my art
I have nothing to offer

and yet to share my art is to share my madness

my passion
my need
and this unusual world that I see
where ancient trees wave and
smile at me
surrounded in shimmering colors of life
and brilliant energy

as I walk

alone
unknown
through the street

Emily Dickinson hid out
in a white dress
and an upstairs bedroom

and me
well I have this screen.

Charity
​1/10/2014

MUCH LIKE SILENCE
1/7/2014
​ 
In this moment
much like silence
with a stirring sense
of calm
thoughts of you
move through
like music
I could dance
in them till dawn.

Charity

SUCH AS I  1/6/2014

I am
awakening
remembering
discovering
who I have always been
within
there is a power
left hidden
for too long
as I cowered in the corners
afraid of my own passions
my shadows
and my light.
I am now
awakening
rubbing my eyes
shaking off the dark night
and I see myself clearly
the fierce love
the fiery beauty
that has coursed through me
long before I ever chose
to take on this form
and enter this world
that you know
but do not know at all.

we are beyond
we are
we are creatures
that see the life that exists within the wind
the powers that travel unseen like the breeze
the spirits that laugh and do as they please
we see
the gods who glide in the light
and the demons who hide in the night

and I am as dark and bright
as any one of these.

I remember who I am
and I will not forget again
nor hide behind
a polite word or shy smile
I am a dragon
I am a fighter
and I live forever
and I love
like you have never
seen
never known
or could ever dream

but you could live in a love
beyond worlds with me

if you can stand within
the heat
of all that I am
with out being completely engulfed in the flame.

it’s up to you to discover that
just as I have remembered who I am
until you do the same
you must take cover
and shield yourself from my fire
for it takes a man brave
alive and awake
to touch the love
of a woman
such as I.

Charity

In my mind you are 
Crystallized
Frozen in time and idealized
Brilliant and Revolutionary
Like the day you walked away.
The weather changed you
Loss estranged you
And you put away your boots and leather
For a suit and sweater...
But in my mind you're
Crystallized
Frozen in time and idealized
As exquisite and unruly
As the day I walked away.

Charity Joy

It's taken me all the lifetime
That I've known so far
To get exactly here.
It's taken me
Roads and roads and roads ~
Counting the miles
Sometimes even the lines on the street
And playing games with the passing colors of the cars.
Boarding ships
Those ships full of countless faces
Packed into cabins
over oceans
And me... sneaking onto forbidden parts of the upper deck
To watch the sunrise on the water.
And planes
So many airplanes
I have flown on since before I was two
Running up and down the aisles
As a tiny little child
Making friends
With all the strangers
On any flight through the sky
And I still do that don't I...?
 
 It has taken thousands of cups of coffee
Breakfast in cool little diners by the highway
Midnight rest stops in the mountains of Tennessee
… Countless walks on the beach.
All those gorgeous ocean shores
On this and the other side of the earth
With my feet sinking into the wet sand
while the cool waves lapped and tickled at my ankles.
And wandering down paths in the woods
The Redwoods were my favorite.
Trees so profound
In that California Forest
As a child I was sure I would reach heaven if I climbed one.
 
Years of exploring city streets
In every state
Walking by shops and little cafes
Where music from street performers
Would call to me.
And I never did stop traveling…
Meeting the eyes of strangers
In so many bus stations and airports
Lingering in shops
As I walked
through that airport in Seoul, Korea
I took off, told my friends
I'd be back in time to catch the plane
just wanted to find the perfect souvenir to take
home with me
When truthfully
I was hoping to see
you.
 
I remember climbing Island Mountains
and shopping busy markets
in the Philippines
on the other side
of the world
where I saw sights
you wouldn't believe
and I
could never describe ~
then back to the states
where I walked, wandered, waited and watched for you
the way I do.
 
So many people I met
and every face I saw
looking for that one single spectacular connection
I knew for sure I would find
I always
knew.
And all those roads
all the flights
all the ships
and roaming nights
they served me well
so perfectly well
because here you are now
in my life.

​Charity
12/14/13

Bring me into the night with you
taste the darkness on your lips
study me with your fingertips
let's become the midnight hour
tangled up with one another.
Give me back your beautiful mind
let our thoughts
and bodies entwine
as one
 again.
As we were at the beginning
and will be at the edge of eternity
in the place 
that some may call
 the end.
Take me in 
again
with you.
The darkness understands us
so much better than the day

and when we are together
all our words unspoken 
will not be painful silence
but instinct and body heat
filling the spaces left
 by words unsaid.
Everything will be clear
when we are near
 to one another
so close that we become each other.
For together
we are darkness
we are night
we are formless
and entwined.
We are more than any one mind 
could possibly imagine
a cosmic distraction
when we touch.
And I do not claim to know much of us
but I know this
our one night together would be
the one night we would remember
(or regret missing)
for the rest of our lives.
So bring me into the night
with you.
​

I have to believe that you will be
there when I wake
when all this fades
and I have nothing left to take
except a hand
that understands my hand
and nothing left to see
except a set of eyes
that look intently
into me
and a silent smile
that understands
the depth of a feeling which I refuse to diminish
by attempting to transform it into words.
A touch, a look is all that I have left
to give or to take
and that is why
I have to believe

I must believe
that you will be
there when I wake.

​You’re frightened a bit
Aren’t you
As if you let yourself go
Any deeper into this
There may be no escape
I know
I can be pretty intense
And right now you’re looking into the pool
Of other worlds
And possibilities
And wondering if
You can wade in a bit
But keep your head
Safely above the waters
I’m sorry you cannot
There is a different air here
That we breathe
In this mystical place
When we leave
The world of known
The world of simple
Stable
Clear
Understanding
And you’re frightened
Are you not?
You like your control
And in this place
Beneath the sea of other worlds
With me
Well you cannot plan a thing.
Nor can you choose what
You leave behind
Or what you bring
For when we come here
We leave behind
Everything
Except ourselves.
And can you trust me
Am I real
Or am I
Imaginary?
After all this is just glimpse isn’t it
There is more
Beyond ~
When you reach your hand in
When you reach for me
Your hand disappears
And you cannot see
What is within
But you can touch my hand
You can feel my skin
And for a minute you might try
And pull me back
To the world of “facts”
Where you live
But I will never return to that place again
I’m sorry
I like my world
I will not leave it
For yours
So you can go your way
Or you can dive deep in
And discover if you can still breathe
In this place where I live.

​Charity Janisse