I am a story now
A simple word in the ancient book That has always been. I am The ink, the paper The plot twist and the author. A small part in a novel More brilliant than any I will ever write. I am a verse In a poem of epic desire The mortal woman that set the gods afire. I am a girl in a painting I am a painter looking at the girl. I wanted to be part of a great story And now the story is mine And I am only a word A word passing through A ballad of love Chance meetings And truth. I am the woman that waits The man that fights The sailor that travels guided by light Over the ocean Through infinite night And still as ever Just a simple word in a legend A legend written by the hand that writes them all. ... Am I the word Or the hand The hero Or his muse Am I the dreamer or the one he dreams of Am I all of these Or none of the above. It doesn't matter... It is enough Just to be a word In the telling of a story That has always been. Charity
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It seems like six years
- Except that there is no such thing as time (Accept that there is no such thing as time) It’s just the amount of repetitive daily experiences you must exist in Before you are unwilling to accept them And you shift into a new dimension Out of what was never actually yours (Except for a while because you took on what was told you by another) But you are not another You are none other Than the breath of relief you feel in a moment Where truth and peace resides In your being And you smile knowing deeply within That all is well These are the moments that are real - Except that there are no such thing as moments (Accept that there are no such thing as moments) You are here And this is all The rest was a dream Something someone else told you You ought to believe But you know what’s yours And you know you are free You are free You are free To be You are free To be. Charity ~We are a spark
a connection lightening brightening the sky as dark as darkness has ever been (the deepest lost black you've ever seen) we are the shimmer that breaks through the night the light for less than a second the brightest bright flashing light we transform transfigure transmute the night. And without the darkness who would have seen it? without the night who would have known the way you illuminated my life for one spectacular millisecond in time. And I cannot live inside that moment of lightening ~ (fast it passed lovely and frightening) but I am changed revolutionized because the thunder the tempest that came after the lightening electric ~~~ the storm it came... (the way it always does) wind howled rain poured washed through cleansed changed transformed everything. and it was worth the storm goddamn it was worth the storm the change you brought It was worth the storm. Charity It's taken me all the lifetime
That I've known so far To get exactly here. It's taken me Roads and roads and roads ~ Counting the miles Sometimes even the lines on the street And playing games with the passing colors of the cars. Boarding ships Those ships full of countless faces Packed into cabins over oceans And me... sneaking onto forbidden parts of the upper deck To watch the sunrise on the water. And planes So many airplanes I have flown on since before I was two Running up and down the aisles As a tiny little child Making friends With all the strangers On any flight through the sky And I still do that don't I...? It has taken thousands of cups of coffee Breakfast in cool little diners by the highway Midnight rest stops in the mountains of Tennessee … Countless walks on the beach. All those gorgeous ocean shores On this and the other side of the earth With my feet sinking into the wet sand while the cool waves lapped and tickled at my ankles. And wandering down paths in the woods The Redwoods were my favorite. Trees so profound In that California Forest As a child I was sure I would reach heaven if I climbed one. Years of exploring city streets In every state Walking by shops and little cafes Where music from street performers Would call to me. And I never did stop traveling… Meeting the eyes of strangers In so many bus stations and airports Lingering in shops As I walked through that airport in Seoul, Korea I took off, told my friends I'd be back in time to catch the plane just wanted to find the perfect souvenir to take home with me When truthfully I was hoping to see you. I remember climbing Island Mountains and shopping busy markets in the Philippines on the other side of the world where I saw sights you wouldn't believe and I could never describe ~ then back to the states where I walked, wandered, waited and watched for you the way I do. So many people I met and every face I saw looking for that one single spectacular connection I knew for sure I would find I always knew. And all those roads all the flights all the ships and roaming nights they served me well so perfectly well because here you are now in my life. Charity It is not that we choose to be different we just accept that we are we walk in your world but we see another. We try to pretend that we fit in Sometimes it's something people have to do to make a living to survive to not be completely outcast outside, alone but deep inside we know we are not and can never be one of what you are We look at your cities and we see the history the hands through time that built them and the lives that walked within them years before we ever came to be we look at your trees and we see their faces and we feel their emotion and their knowledge their ancient deity we listen to your music and we hear the heart and the soul of the poet, the singer we feel their love we sense their loss and we live and dream inside the poetry we do not think like you but we feel we sense we breathe everything and sometimes it is too hard to walk among you to pretend to be one of you so occasionally we hide in our rooms and we listen to those soulful songs and we lose our selves in the music and poetry until your world fades away almost completely and we remember who we are and we remember that we did not choose to be different we just accept that we are. Charity 3/12/2012 To show my art
is to show my madness to let it be revealed for what it is the depth the need that gnaws at us am I alone in this Emily Dickinson hid in white dresses and lived in a quiet room away from anyone who would seek to know her more and me I hide behind this electric screen the walls are the same life goes on outside and I swear to join it again but what am I to do what am I to bring when I leave this place if not my words if not my art I have nothing to offer and yet to share my art is to share my madness my passion my need and this unusual world that I see where ancient trees wave and smile at me surrounded in shimmering colors of life and brilliant energy as I walk alone unknown through the street Emily Dickinson hid out in a white dress and an upstairs bedroom and me well I have this screen. Charity 1/10/2014 love is the elixir that she bathes in
dances, dreams and aches in. the ancient magic that stirs in her the dew on the grass the wisp of a cloud that travels past, lives is this girl that you desire but can never fully grasp as she is the one that soars in a dream back to her sleeping body soundly within the lines and rhymes of poetry she is the divine awakened mystery sublime enchanting outside of time she is the distant desire in your mind for what you would have never planned and cannot understand just take a breath and take her hand trust that all is well and you will not utterly lose yourself to a girl who bathes in the well of love. You'll only lose yourself just enough to find what distant inside You always knew you wanted from the beginning. Charity I would never ask you to be more or less
Than what you are, I simply want to know you. I will not ask you to stay the same, I will not ask you to change Or to never change. Growth and transformation Are part of the human experience. Love allows growth Even when it means You must get to know another All over again. I will not ask you to be what I need I will only ask me To be what I need. If that means being more, then I will grow If that means crawling deep within The darkest, most unknown depths of who I am I will disappear, as it may seem From your sight To explore my own Dark And my own light. I will not ask you to follow And I will not ask you to understand Or even approve Of where I've gone Or who I am. It only matters if I do. Love does not mean You pretend to be What you think I want Or need Love means being exquisitely You. And I promise To love Exactly who It is You know you are ~ Even if to find out who that is You must disappear And dive inside Your own dark night I will be here With my own light. And if you're meant to One day Find me again I will not ask you To be more Or to be less Than who you are I only want to know you. Charity I was meant to
Follow you into the night I know that. I was meant to dive deep into the depths of the blackness And bring you light (In a moment when not a damn thing in your life felt right) I was meant to reach for you I was meant to touch your face I was meant to meet your eyes And bring you back from that far off place ~ But how? Tell me how (If possible Tell me Now.) I was meant to dive all The way down Into the worst Of the curse with you. And bring you back truly alive. And willing to give Something more than mere survival a try. I was meant to wake you I was meant to take you Home. With me. I think... Or were you the one meant to return for me for me? (Humanity makes it so easy to forget) We had it all sorted out Before we left the other side... To enter this space, this time. So clear So fearless So right. And now here I stand Flesh, blood, thought and forgetting Was I meant to be the one searching Or to be the one waiting? And so Unsure I wait. Hating the passage of time With your lips So far from mine And yet if I follow you Into your night Would I also be here, still waiting When You arrive? Charity Janisse Closer than we ever were
Further now Tho I feel you near If you knew would you return Or have you always been right here? Charity |
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