​Silhouettes of something sweet
What’s left of you
What’s left of me
When all is said and done
Do we return
So unceremoniously
To the beginning of everything
I’ve Walked down
Wooden steps
To the edge of the water
My hand on the rail
My feet in hot sand
I was never alone
In fact I never am
I don’t question your existence
Just my own resistance
To what could perhaps
Be happiness
With depth
It’s the depth I miss
Swimming in deep waters
I begin to forget why some
Prefer
The shallow end
Till I find myself back there again
With no excuses
For why
Except I know
There’s more
Still out there
Waiting
To be seen, known, understood
Explored
It’s just I’m not sure
I’ve found it yet
I’m not sure I’ve ever met
What's meant to be seen
And will ultimately bring
The depth

​Charity

I was meant to wake up now
And not a moment sooner
Coffee in the alley
My favorite black suede boots
Resting on the empty seat
Under the table
across from me
Exploring new ideas
Haunting music drifting
Spectacular cool morning
Didn’t realize I was singing to Sweet Jane
When a guy walks by and says
“So you’re the voice I’ve been hearing in my head”
And I laugh and say
“Must be”
Then back to coffee and glancing between old brick walls and clear blue sky
I’m so obsessed with this life.
Why don’t we imagine
Often enough
When we think of the future
That unexpected bliss can actually happen
The way it’s happening for me now
Maybe some do
(I seldom did)
But hear I am
Splashing paint on canvas and concrete
Exploring new and old worlds
So damn obsessed with this present one I’ve found
Who would have thought
That it could all turn out to be
So spectacular?
And I pause
And think
Of all That lead me here
Everything, everyone I’ve ever known, every place I’ve ever been
And I must admit
a mental round of applause I give
For every interaction & experience
(breathlessly amazing or horrendously terrible)
that brought me to this moment
It’s all just one fascinating story
Difficult at times (but not boring)
And some how I’m adoring
The awareness that You each were imperative to bringing me to this present place in time
If it wasn’t for you
I wouldn’t be exactly here
Exactly now
If it wasn’t for you
I would not have found this very specific coffee flavored, cool breeze morning, drifting music, colorfully painted present moment in life
And I’m obsessed with this moment.

​Charity
​

​What are the falls that fall
What is this catch that calls
At the corner of a soul
It stands near the window
Lifts its voice like the distant instrument
Of a street musician
And speaks all

It tells my story
It slips
Fading fast from tongue
As breath beyond lung
A universe
That lined us up
Precisely
In thousands of seconds
One after another
Each step taking us closer
To one
Then Another
Closer or further
Still always together
We keep meeting
We keep meeting
In the most recessed spaces places
In the mind
You’re a fleeting floating reeling thought
Spinning like a dancer
Released and caught
On a ledge
On the edge
Lingering lazily on a cool spring evening
While the breeze
Teases me
With your name

Like a violinist playing exquisite
Measures on the corner
Maybe for her dinner
Your name it plays across my thought
Like that
That lone musician
On an mid-may evening
The way the music trails
Just near enough to hear
You are that sound in my ear
The breath in my chest
I need not request
As it is always here.

You are a presence
That I have accepted
You are a presence
That I have accepted
You are a presence.

​

​Yeah you should’ve wrote it down
Before you forgot the words
Forgot you never said
All the thoughts I never heard
Yeah you should have made a note
Then read back what you wrote
Said the words aloud
Not left me wondering
Blundering through my mind
Reading words you never left behind
Yeah you should have wrote it down
Maybe on the back of your hand
Tied a string around your finger
But that’s never been your brand
Not to remember
Not to say
Not to express
That’s  more your way
But maybe babe
You should have wrote down what you meant to say
Then maybe you would have got around to it
Maybe
Maybe
one day…
But now the night is empty
And the windows rattle
And ghosts wake me in the night
With a vacancy sign by my side
And I stare at the rain in the street light outside
And wonder what you would have said
If I hadn’t left
That night.
Maybe you should have wrote it down,
Maybe that’s just my thing
Untying this string
From my little finger
And hoping to forget
Does anyone forget.
Maybe I should not have wrote it down
Everything I meant to say
Maybe I should have just let it drift away
Like shredded bits of paper
Fluttering down the street
The empty street
The damp rain street
The cool wind street
As it all flutters away and flickers out.
What was it even all about
Anyway
Maybe I could just let it flicker out and drift away…
Maybe I will
Maybe I will
One day.

​When did I see you last
When I got on the bus from Florida to Cincinnati in my favorite hat
That I stole from my dad…
When I walked out of the house again… mad at him
He and I never could see eye to eye
(Never stopped us from loving each other though)
Love is odd like that
Something we don’t decide
But in many ways all the different kinds of love are the main reason we arrive
In this place called human life.

But then there’s a lot that we do
Which we never decide
Experiences, expressions and all
These human functions that happen anyway
Like we breathe to live, though we rarely give it a thought
And bleed when hurt
And heal whether we try to or not
It’s just something our body decides
And does.
I think love is a lot like that
A force of something like nature
That chooses us
And exists in our soul
Whether we want to feel it for a particular someone or not…

When did I see you last
When I walked down the beach alone with my feet in the sand
my green hippy back pack
With a beat up old journal
Full of poems I’d written about you
And maybe I hadn’t even met you yet.

When did I see you last
Over a cup of coffee
In a midnight diner
In the mountains in Tennessee
Country music on the jukebox that I tried not to like
Cause I was a punk rock girl.
The way I tried not to like you so much
When it seemed you didn’t feel the same
But the heart makes its own decisions…
Sometimes I think the rest of us, our mind, our body, our soul
Is just along for the ride.

When did I see you last
When I was sitting by a river in the woods
My skin damp
From dew on the grass
In the early morning light
Went there to meditate
Or maybe take pictures
walk the trails
And I found myself
Half asleep on the grass in a sunrise
Dreaming your smile
Like I have many times,
Before and since we met
If I’ve even met you yet…

When did I see you last
At an airport in the desert
The night I landed in my new life
Leaving everything I’d ever tried to be
That was not me
Behind
In offices
I’d never step foot in again.
I’d write books, paint pictures, tell fortunes and chase little ones to get by after that.
Sometimes something happens in your life and you never look back.
Sometimes a moment changes you and you shout inside to the universe your greatest thank you
Tears of joy on the brim of your lashes
Because you know you’ve found your honest identity, your reason to be
And you’ll never again attempt to be
Anyone different
Ever again.

And the body keeps breathing,
The sleeping mind keeps dreaming,
We bleed when hurt, we heal without giving it much of a thought
and we scar, yeah of course we scar at times too,
Because as we all know certain moments in life leave a permanent mark.

That moment in my life
Left a mark,
One I would never give back
That moment I saw you last
If I’ve ever even seen you at all
In this present human life
With these wide blues
Maybe it was another me
In a forgotten dream
That knew you so well that I brought your memory
Into this world with me
Maybe it’s only my heart and not conscious thought at all
That  actually remembers
When I did see you last
When did I see you last
When did I see you last
When will I see you next.

Charity

If there was a better way to see it
Perhaps I would
If there was another way to leave it
Perhaps I could
But the day we met
Is the only time
I ever felt 
At home
On this spinning whirling ball of green and blue
And I knew
I came for you
There's many I love
And much to do
I've got my plans, my dreams, my goals
My ideas, my unspoken wishes
Like anyone
But you
You Feel like the home
I've never known.

​Charity

It’s not over for me yet
I’m going to go all
The way with this
Not going to fucking let you forget
That we both still exist
And I will touch you flesh to flesh
Your fleeting smile
Your dark regrets
I know that I am one of them
But babe this is not over yet.
I know I’m the girl you won’t forget
So hear I sit
Late October leaf tossing breeze
This dress lacing it’s fabric around my knees
My hair pulled back
My neck so free
I fear not vulnerability
I hear you
I know you
I see you
I touch you
In the endless air around us
There is fire
Endless undeniable
Between us
I know that it was always me
I know you read every word I wrote
Like a song as you lingered on every note
You knew I loved you
And you know I love you now
I do not fear
Time
Space
Silence
Or separation
Because none of it is real
We are one
We always have been
And we will always be
Destined then and again to meet
I believe in this
Light kiss
On forehead neck then cheek
Closer
Yes
Please to my chest
My lips suggest a tenderness
That I may have forgotten
To share with you
But I’m here and I’m ready
Willing
With walls down
God it took me forever
But there is no time
So forever is meaningless
I have always been yours
And you
Have always been mine.

​Charity

​I know you
I’ve known you for millions of years
I know you
One
And always
Only now
This ever present millisecond
Of all we have
And can be sure of
Open heart, soul, mind
Wounds
Bleed
Recede
Heal
And we are new skin
Tender and fragile
With the strength of scars
We are
I know you
A million years
And a millisecond
In time
It is all one
And the same
Past future
There is none
We are now
We are all always
One

There is
A part
Of all
That I am
That I
Have never given
To anyone
And it is
Tied up in you
In us
In every now
And I trust
You are here
I’m a soul
I’m a breath
I’m a smile
I’m smoke
And In flesh
In body
You always
Return
To me.

Charity
2/12/2020 11:11 am

​It seems like six years 
- Except that there is no such thing as time 
(Accept that there is no such thing as time)
It’s just the amount of repetitive daily experiences you must exist in
Before you are unwilling to accept them
And you shift into a new dimension
Out of what was never actually yours
(Except for a while because you took on what was told you by another)
But you are not another
You are none other
Than the breath of relief you feel in a moment
Where truth and peace resides
In your being
And you smile knowing deeply within
That all is well
These are the moments that are real
- Except that there are no such thing as moments
(Accept that there are no such thing as moments)
You are here
And this is all
The rest was a dream
Something someone else told you 
You ought to believe
But you know what’s yours 
And you know you are free
You are free
You are free
To be 
You are free 
To be.
Charity