I was meant to wake up now
And not a moment sooner
Coffee in the alley
My favorite black suede boots
Resting on the empty seat
Under the table
across from me
Exploring new ideas
Haunting music drifting
Spectacular cool morning
Didn’t realize I was singing to Sweet Jane
When a guy walks by and says
“So you’re the voice I’ve been hearing in my head”
And I laugh and say
“Must be”
Then back to coffee and glancing between old brick walls and clear blue sky
I’m so obsessed with this life.
Why don’t we imagine
Often enough
When we think of the future
That unexpected bliss can actually happen
The way it’s happening for me now
Maybe some do
(I seldom did)
But hear I am
Splashing paint on canvas and concrete
Exploring new and old worlds
So damn obsessed with this present one I’ve found
Who would have thought
That it could all turn out to be
So spectacular?
And I pause
And think
Of all That lead me here
Everything, everyone I’ve ever known, every place I’ve ever been
And I must admit
a mental round of applause I give
For every interaction & experience
(breathlessly amazing or horrendously terrible)
that brought me to this moment
It’s all just one fascinating story
Difficult at times (but not boring)
And some how I’m adoring
The awareness that You each were imperative to bringing me to this present place in time
If it wasn’t for you
I wouldn’t be exactly here
Exactly now
If it wasn’t for you
I would not have found this very specific coffee flavored, cool breeze morning, drifting music, colorfully painted present moment in life
And I’m obsessed with this moment.

​Charity
​

​What are the falls that fall
What is this catch that calls
At the corner of a soul
It stands near the window
Lifts its voice like the distant instrument
Of a street musician
And speaks all

It tells my story
It slips
Fading fast from tongue
As breath beyond lung
A universe
That lined us up
Precisely
In thousands of seconds
One after another
Each step taking us closer
To one
Then Another
Closer or further
Still always together
We keep meeting
We keep meeting
In the most recessed spaces places
In the mind
You’re a fleeting floating reeling thought
Spinning like a dancer
Released and caught
On a ledge
On the edge
Lingering lazily on a cool spring evening
While the breeze
Teases me
With your name

Like a violinist playing exquisite
Measures on the corner
Maybe for her dinner
Your name it plays across my thought
Like that
That lone musician
On an mid-may evening
The way the music trails
Just near enough to hear
You are that sound in my ear
The breath in my chest
I need not request
As it is always here.

You are a presence
That I have accepted
You are a presence
That I have accepted
You are a presence.

​

There is nothing written on a book or played out on a screen that did not come from the depths of a human soul. There is no lie except our willingness to accept that we deserve less than the depth of the dream. Behind the scenes (as we all know) has always carried stories and intrigue more powerful and fascinating than even the writer's pen can dare dictate. It is behind the scenes where characters rise and fall, where the imagination rules and writhes and plays out its many fantasies in short quiet moments that no one will ever know of, except the two present when a dream awakens to reality. People scorn and say love like this is not true only because they fear they will never know it and so it is easier to pretend it does not exist, but exist it does. And it is not something to long for or to be jealous of but to experience, to dive in and explore, no excuses to settle for less but a quest for more, as there is always more. To uncover, to understand and to feel, always always more.

​Charity
March 29, 2022

I’ve realized
Something from all this though. All the connections, realizations, bizarre manifestations, not sure if I can put it into words though, but all try. 


There is no past, no future, no heaven, no hell, no god, no devil, or spirits or angels, there is only millions of different beings experiencing one eternal endless now. It’s all just one huge moment, with millions of perspectives. Nothing else exists at all except this exact present moment, and this moment will move, change and evolve but it will always be now and we will only ever be exactly where we are and it’s all completely connected because nothing else exists except this present breath and if we just pause and become aware of that then the moment we are experiencing suddenly becomes eternal in the moment we realize it’s eternal. There’s no where else to be but in this exact now and when we are fully now, age stops, time stops, worries stop, promises of some kind better whatever whenever however stops and we realize this is our heaven, we are exactly where, In all of eternity, that we choose to be, and we can do anything anything at all with this now because it is always, it is everywhere and it is everyone and it is everything and we are it and it is us. 
January 24, 2020

​It seems like six years 
- Except that there is no such thing as time 
(Accept that there is no such thing as time)
It’s just the amount of repetitive daily experiences you must exist in
Before you are unwilling to accept them
And you shift into a new dimension
Out of what was never actually yours
(Except for a while because you took on what was told you by another)
But you are not another
You are none other
Than the breath of relief you feel in a moment
Where truth and peace resides
In your being
And you smile knowing deeply within
That all is well
These are the moments that are real
- Except that there are no such thing as moments
(Accept that there are no such thing as moments)
You are here
And this is all
The rest was a dream
Something someone else told you 
You ought to believe
But you know what’s yours 
And you know you are free
You are free
You are free
To be 
You are free 
To be.
Charity

Future is today
The past is a vapor
Nothing else matters
But the air we breathe in this present second.
(So can I please be forgiven?)
The darkness has past
The sun has risen
In my frozen northern sky
As I wake and meet your eye
In this galaxy that is my mind.
Last night as I drifted into sleep
I dreamt my head rested on your chest
And your arm
Wrapped sleepily (Protectively)
Around my shoulders
It felt more real
Than the bed
Beneath me.
For In this wild, wicked, wonderful world
You are one of the few things 
That is truly real 
To me
So please 
Just trust me Now.
Because the past is a vapor
(There's nothing left to fight about)
The future is the breath we breathe
In this present second 
there is nothing else
Besides ~
And in this moment
For me
There is only you in my mind.
What else can you ask me for
When all I have to offer
Is who I am today?
And all I ask of you
Is who you are
Today.
What else do we have
But forgiveness
Trust
Hope in us
And today. 

Charity
11/28/2018​

​I would never ask you to be more or less
Than what you are, 
I simply want to know you.
I will not ask you to stay the same, I will not ask you to change
Or to never change.
Growth and transformation
Are part of the human experience.
Love allows growth
Even when it means 
You must get to know another
All over again.
I will not ask you to be what I need
I will only ask me
To be what I need.
If that means being more, then I will grow
If that means crawling deep within
The darkest, most unknown depths of who I am
I will disappear, as it may seem
From your sight
To explore my own
Dark
And my own light.
I will not ask you to follow
And I will not ask you to understand 
Or even approve
Of where I've gone 
Or who I am.
It only matters if I do.
Love does not mean 
You pretend to be
What you think I want
Or need
Love means being exquisitely
You.
And I promise
To love
Exactly who
It is
You know you are ~
Even if to find out who that is 
You must disappear
And dive inside
Your own dark night
I will be here
With my own light.
And if you're meant to 
One day
Find me again
I will not ask you
To be more
Or to be less
Than who you are
I only want to know you.
Charity
​2/9/2018