Future is today
The past is a vapor
Nothing else matters
But the air we breathe in this present second.
(So can I please be forgiven?)
The darkness has past
The sun has risen
In my frozen northern sky
As I wake and meet your eye
In this galaxy that is my mind.
Last night as I drifted into sleep
I dreamt my head rested on your chest
And your arm
Wrapped sleepily (Protectively)
Around my shoulders
It felt more real
Than the bed
Beneath me.
For In this wild, wicked, wonderful world
You are one of the few things 
That is truly real 
To me
So please 
Just trust me Now.
Because the past is a vapor
(There's nothing left to fight about)
The future is the breath we breathe
In this present second 
there is nothing else
Besides ~
And in this moment
For me
There is only you in my mind.
What else can you ask me for
When all I have to offer
Is who I am today?
And all I ask of you
Is who you are
Today.
What else do we have
But forgiveness
Trust
Hope in us
And today. 

Charity
11/28/2018​

I am a story now
A simple word in the ancient book
That has always been.
I am
The ink, the paper
The plot twist and the author.
A small part in a novel
More brilliant than any I will ever write.

I am a verse
In a poem of epic desire
The mortal woman that set the gods afire.

I am a girl in a painting
I am a painter looking at the girl.

I wanted to be part of a great story 
And now the story is mine
And I am only a word
A word passing through
A ballad of love
Chance meetings
And truth.

I am the woman that waits
The man that fights
The sailor that travels guided by light

Over the ocean 
Through infinite night

And still as ever
Just a simple word in a legend
A legend written by the hand that writes them all.

...

Am I the word
Or the hand
The hero
Or his muse
Am I the dreamer or the one he dreams of
Am I all of these
Or none of the above.

It doesn't matter...
It is enough
Just to be a word
In the telling of a story
That has always been.

Charity 

​It seems like six years 
- Except that there is no such thing as time 
(Accept that there is no such thing as time)
It’s just the amount of repetitive daily experiences you must exist in
Before you are unwilling to accept them
And you shift into a new dimension
Out of what was never actually yours
(Except for a while because you took on what was told you by another)
But you are not another
You are none other
Than the breath of relief you feel in a moment
Where truth and peace resides
In your being
And you smile knowing deeply within
That all is well
These are the moments that are real
- Except that there are no such thing as moments
(Accept that there are no such thing as moments)
You are here
And this is all
The rest was a dream
Something someone else told you 
You ought to believe
But you know what’s yours 
And you know you are free
You are free
You are free
To be 
You are free 
To be.
Charity

 ~We are a spark
a connection
lightening
brightening the sky
as dark
as darkness has ever been
(the deepest lost black
you've ever seen)
we are the shimmer
that breaks through
the night
the light
for less than a second
the brightest bright
flashing light
we transform
transfigure
transmute 
the night.

And

without the darkness
who would have seen it?
without the night
who would have known
the way
you illuminated my life
for one spectacular millisecond in time.

And I cannot live
inside
that moment of lightening ~
(fast it passed
lovely and frightening)
but I am changed
revolutionized
because
the thunder
the tempest
that came
after the lightening electric
~~~
the storm it came...
(the way it always does)
wind howled
rain poured
washed through
cleansed changed
transformed
everything.

and it was worth the storm
goddamn it was worth the storm
the change you brought

It was worth the storm.

​Charity

It's taken me all the lifetime
That I've known so far
To get exactly here.
It's taken me
Roads and roads and roads ~
Counting the miles
Sometimes even the lines on the street
And playing games with the passing colors of the cars.
Boarding ships
Those ships full of countless faces
Packed into cabins
over oceans
And me... sneaking onto forbidden parts of the upper deck
To watch the sunrise on the water.
And planes
So many airplanes
I have flown on since before I was two
Running up and down the aisles
As a tiny little child
Making friends
With all the strangers
On any flight through the sky
And I still do that don't I...?
 
 It has taken thousands of cups of coffee
Breakfast in cool little diners by the highway
Midnight rest stops in the mountains of Tennessee
… Countless walks on the beach.
All those gorgeous ocean shores
On this and the other side of the earth
With my feet sinking into the wet sand
while the cool waves lapped and tickled at my ankles.
And wandering down paths in the woods
The Redwoods were my favorite.
Trees so profound
In that California Forest
As a child I was sure I would reach heaven if I climbed one.
 
Years of exploring city streets
In every state
Walking by shops and little cafes
Where music from street performers
Would call to me.
And I never did stop traveling…
Meeting the eyes of strangers
In so many bus stations and airports
Lingering in shops
As I walked
through that airport in Seoul, Korea
I took off, told my friends
I'd be back in time to catch the plane
just wanted to find the perfect souvenir to take
home with me
When truthfully
I was hoping to see
you.
 
I remember climbing Island Mountains
and shopping busy markets
in the Philippines
on the other side
of the world
where I saw sights
you wouldn't believe
and I
could never describe ~
then back to the states
where I walked, wandered, waited and watched for you
the way I do.
 
So many people I met
and every face I saw
looking for that one single spectacular connection
I knew for sure I would find
I always
knew.
And all those roads
all the flights
all the ships
and roaming nights
they served me well
so perfectly well
because here you are now
in my life.

​Charity

It is not that we choose to be different
we just accept that we are
we walk in your world
but we see another.
We try to pretend that we fit in
Sometimes
it's something people have to do
to make a living
to survive
to not be completely outcast
outside, alone
but deep inside
we know
we are not
and can never be
one of what you are
We look at your cities and we see the history
the hands through time that built them
and the lives that walked within them
years before we ever came to be
we look at your trees and we see their faces
and we feel their emotion
and their knowledge
their ancient deity
we listen to your music
and we hear the heart and the soul of the poet, the singer
we feel their love
we sense their loss
and we live and dream inside the poetry
we do not think like you
but we feel
we sense
we breathe
everything
and sometimes it is too hard
to walk among you
to pretend to be one of you
so occasionally
we hide in our rooms
and we listen to those soulful songs
and we lose our selves in the music and poetry
until your world fades away
almost completely
and we remember who we are
and we remember that we did not choose to be different
we just accept that we are.


Charity

3/12/2012

To show my art
is to show my madness
to let it be revealed
for what it is

the depth
the need that gnaws at us

am I alone in this

Emily Dickinson hid in white dresses and lived in a quiet room
away from anyone
who
would seek to know her more
and me

I hide

behind this electric screen

the walls are the same

life goes on outside
and I swear to join it again

but what am I to do
what am I to bring when I leave this place

if not my words
if not my art
I have nothing to offer

and yet to share my art is to share my madness

my passion
my need
and this unusual world that I see
where ancient trees wave and
smile at me
surrounded in shimmering colors of life
and brilliant energy

as I walk

alone
unknown
through the street

Emily Dickinson hid out
in a white dress
and an upstairs bedroom

and me
well I have this screen.

Charity
​1/10/2014

love is the elixir that she bathes in
dances, dreams and aches in.
the ancient magic
that stirs in her
the dew on the grass
the wisp of a cloud
that travels past,
lives is this girl
that you desire
but can never
fully grasp
as
she is the one
that soars in a dream
back to her sleeping body
soundly within
the lines
and rhymes of poetry
she is
the divine
awakened mystery
sublime
enchanting
outside of time
she is the distant desire 
in your mind
for what you would have
never planned
and cannot understand

just take a breath
and take her hand

trust that all is well
and you will not utterly lose yourself
to a girl
who bathes in the well 
of love.

You'll only lose yourself
just enough
to find
what distant inside
You always knew
you wanted

from the beginning.


Charity

​I would never ask you to be more or less
Than what you are, 
I simply want to know you.
I will not ask you to stay the same, I will not ask you to change
Or to never change.
Growth and transformation
Are part of the human experience.
Love allows growth
Even when it means 
You must get to know another
All over again.
I will not ask you to be what I need
I will only ask me
To be what I need.
If that means being more, then I will grow
If that means crawling deep within
The darkest, most unknown depths of who I am
I will disappear, as it may seem
From your sight
To explore my own
Dark
And my own light.
I will not ask you to follow
And I will not ask you to understand 
Or even approve
Of where I've gone 
Or who I am.
It only matters if I do.
Love does not mean 
You pretend to be
What you think I want
Or need
Love means being exquisitely
You.
And I promise
To love
Exactly who
It is
You know you are ~
Even if to find out who that is 
You must disappear
And dive inside
Your own dark night
I will be here
With my own light.
And if you're meant to 
One day
Find me again
I will not ask you
To be more
Or to be less
Than who you are
I only want to know you.
Charity