Silhouettes of something sweet
What’s left of you What’s left of me When all is said and done Do we return So unceremoniously To the beginning of everything I’ve Walked down Wooden steps To the edge of the water My hand on the rail My feet in hot sand I was never alone In fact I never am I don’t question your existence Just my own resistance To what could perhaps Be happiness With depth It’s the depth I miss Swimming in deep waters I begin to forget why some Prefer The shallow end Till I find myself back there again With no excuses For why Except I know There’s more Still out there Waiting To be seen, known, understood Explored It’s just I’m not sure I’ve found it yet I’m not sure I’ve ever met What's meant to be seen And will ultimately bring The depth Charity 8/13/2022
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I was meant to wake up now
And not a moment sooner Coffee in the alley My favorite black suede boots Resting on the empty seat Under the table across from me Exploring new ideas Haunting music drifting Spectacular cool morning Didn’t realize I was singing to Sweet Jane When a guy walks by and says “So you’re the voice I’ve been hearing in my head” And I laugh and say “Must be” Then back to coffee and glancing between old brick walls and clear blue sky I’m so obsessed with this life. Why don’t we imagine Often enough When we think of the future That unexpected bliss can actually happen The way it’s happening for me now Maybe some do (I seldom did) But hear I am Splashing paint on canvas and concrete Exploring new and old worlds So damn obsessed with this present one I’ve found Who would have thought That it could all turn out to be So spectacular? And I pause And think Of all That lead me here Everything, everyone I’ve ever known, every place I’ve ever been And I must admit a mental round of applause I give For every interaction & experience (breathlessly amazing or horrendously terrible) that brought me to this moment It’s all just one fascinating story Difficult at times (but not boring) And some how I’m adoring The awareness that You each were imperative to bringing me to this present place in time If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be exactly here Exactly now If it wasn’t for you I would not have found this very specific coffee flavored, cool breeze morning, drifting music, colorfully painted present moment in life And I’m obsessed with this moment. Charity
What are the falls that fall
What is this catch that calls At the corner of a soul It stands near the window Lifts its voice like the distant instrument Of a street musician And speaks all It tells my story It slips Fading fast from tongue As breath beyond lung A universe That lined us up Precisely In thousands of seconds One after another Each step taking us closer To one Then Another Closer or further Still always together We keep meeting We keep meeting In the most recessed spaces places In the mind You’re a fleeting floating reeling thought Spinning like a dancer Released and caught On a ledge On the edge Lingering lazily on a cool spring evening While the breeze Teases me With your name Like a violinist playing exquisite Measures on the corner Maybe for her dinner Your name it plays across my thought Like that That lone musician On an mid-may evening The way the music trails Just near enough to hear You are that sound in my ear The breath in my chest I need not request As it is always here. You are a presence That I have accepted You are a presence That I have accepted You are a presence. Charity There is nothing written on a book or played out on a screen that did not come from the depths of a human soul. There is no lie except our willingness to accept that we deserve less than the depth of the dream. Behind the scenes (as we all know) has always carried stories and intrigue more powerful and fascinating than even the writer's pen can dare dictate. It is behind the scenes where characters rise and fall, where the imagination rules and writhes and plays out its many fantasies in short quiet moments that no one will ever know of, except the two present when a dream awakens to reality. People scorn and say love like this is not true only because they fear they will never know it and so it is easier to pretend it does not exist, but exist it does. And it is not something to long for or to be jealous of but to experience, to dive in and explore, no excuses to settle for less but a quest for more, as there is always more. To uncover, to understand and to feel, always always more.
Charity March 29, 2022 I’ve realized
Something from all this though. All the connections, realizations, bizarre manifestations, not sure if I can put it into words though, but all try. There is no past, no future, no heaven, no hell, no god, no devil, or spirits or angels, there is only millions of different beings experiencing one eternal endless now. It’s all just one huge moment, with millions of perspectives. Nothing else exists at all except this exact present moment, and this moment will move, change and evolve but it will always be now and we will only ever be exactly where we are and it’s all completely connected because nothing else exists except this present breath and if we just pause and become aware of that then the moment we are experiencing suddenly becomes eternal in the moment we realize it’s eternal. There’s no where else to be but in this exact now and when we are fully now, age stops, time stops, worries stop, promises of some kind better whatever whenever however stops and we realize this is our heaven, we are exactly where, In all of eternity, that we choose to be, and we can do anything anything at all with this now because it is always, it is everywhere and it is everyone and it is everything and we are it and it is us. January 24, 2020 It seems like six years
- Except that there is no such thing as time (Accept that there is no such thing as time) It’s just the amount of repetitive daily experiences you must exist in Before you are unwilling to accept them And you shift into a new dimension Out of what was never actually yours (Except for a while because you took on what was told you by another) But you are not another You are none other Than the breath of relief you feel in a moment Where truth and peace resides In your being And you smile knowing deeply within That all is well These are the moments that are real - Except that there are no such thing as moments (Accept that there are no such thing as moments) You are here And this is all The rest was a dream Something someone else told you You ought to believe But you know what’s yours And you know you are free You are free You are free To be You are free To be. Charity Future is today
The past is a vapor Nothing else matters But the air we breathe in this present second. (So can I please be forgiven?) The darkness has past The sun has risen In my frozen northern sky As I wake and meet your eye In this galaxy that is my mind. Last night as I drifted into sleep I dreamt my head rested on your chest And your arm Wrapped sleepily (Protectively) Around my shoulders It felt more real Than the bed Beneath me. For In this wild, wicked, wonderful world You are one of the few things That is truly real To me So please Just trust me Now. Because the past is a vapor (There's nothing left to fight about) The future is the breath we breathe In this present second there is nothing else Besides ~ And in this moment For me There is only you in my mind. What else can you ask me for When all I have to offer Is who I am today? And all I ask of you Is who you are Today. What else do we have But forgiveness Trust Hope in us And today. Charity 11/28/2018 Were you anything ever
Was I anyone To you Maybe yes Maybe never But I belong... When the day turns night Shadows turn Long I turn To a thought of you It's something old And nothing new I do. Ancient As our souls When we began Younger than we realize Now and then. Did you forget You're ageless When I touch you? Did you forget I was yours Before time And all that Began - To be recorded Rewound, fast forward Don't forget you're everything Don't forget you're everything If I was never anything... Just don't forget you're everything - I ever wanted (And I looked a long time) Not just a lifetime But several And you were damn hard to track down Ancient 7 wonders or perhaps thousands I have wandered This universe is nothing So small compared To the places I've traveled In the hopes Of meeting you there... Oh the places I've traveled For a moment or two Of eye contact with you - And it's worth it, I admit To have finally met You in the flesh To know you exist And now I can rest Knowing we've met And maybe in the next Life You won't forget That we were supposed to matter To each other For a little longer Than a few stolen nights Of lust and lies... We were meant to matter More But at least I don't have To wander Travel Search the universe over You exist And I have peace In this. Charity I would never ask you to be more or less
Than what you are, I simply want to know you. I will not ask you to stay the same, I will not ask you to change Or to never change. Growth and transformation Are part of the human experience. Love allows growth Even when it means You must get to know another All over again. I will not ask you to be what I need I will only ask me To be what I need. If that means being more, then I will grow If that means crawling deep within The darkest, most unknown depths of who I am I will disappear, as it may seem From your sight To explore my own Dark And my own light. I will not ask you to follow And I will not ask you to understand Or even approve Of where I've gone Or who I am. It only matters if I do. Love does not mean You pretend to be What you think I want Or need Love means being exquisitely You. And I promise To love Exactly who It is You know you are ~ Even if to find out who that is You must disappear And dive inside Your own dark night I will be here With my own light. And if you're meant to One day Find me again I will not ask you To be more Or to be less Than who you are I only want to know you. Charity 2/9/2018 I was meant to
Follow you into the night I know that. I was meant to dive deep into the depths of the blackness And bring you light (In a moment when not a damn thing in your life felt right) I was meant to reach for you I was meant to touch your face I was meant to meet your eyes And bring you back from that far off place ~ But how? Tell me how (If possible Tell me Now.) I was meant to dive all The way down Into the worst Of the curse with you. And bring you back truly alive. Willing to give something more Than mere survival a try. I was meant to wake you I was meant to take you Home. With me. I think... Or were you the one Meant to return for me? (Humanity makes it so easy to forget) We had it all sorted out Before we left The other side... To enter this space, this time. So clear So fearless So right. And now here I stand Flesh, blood, thought and forgetting Was I meant to be the one searching Or to be the one waiting? And so Unsure I wait. Hating the passage of time With your lips So far from mine And yet if I follow you Into your night Would I also be here, still waiting When You arrive? Charity Janisse |
Charity Janisse
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